Mel Robbins oh my gosh thank you I know you called me the master of motivation and I
think motivation is complete garbage so maybe we should start there that is a
perfect place to start so I totally agree with you but why do you say that I
do 100% now I said that in the spirit of I know what you're trying to do so it is
meant with absolute reverence uh-huh but why do you say that it's garbage well
and we'll talk a lot about this but I think it's garbage because at some point
we all bought into this lie that you've got to feel ready in order to change
yeah we bought into this this complete falsehood that at some point you're
gonna have the courage at some point you're gonna have the confidence and
it's total bullshit frankly I don't I rely to swear an absolute it's it's
complete garbage and so there are so many people in the world and and and you
know you may be watching this right now and you have these incredible ideas and
what you think is missing is motivation and that's not true
because the way that our minds are wired and the fact about human beings is that
we are not designed to do things that are uncomfortable or scary or difficult
our brains are designed to protect us from those things because our brains are
trying to keep us alive and in order to change in order to build a business in
order to be the best parent of a spouse to do all those things that you know you
want to do with your life with your work with your dreams you're gonna have to do
things that are difficult uncertain or scary which sets up this problem for all
of us you're never gonna feel like it motivations garbage you you only feel
motivated to do the things that are easy right what do you think that is oh I
know exactly why that is because I've studied this so much because for me one
of the hardest things to figure out was why is it so hard to do the little
things that would improve my life and what I've come to realize and what we'll
talk a lot about today is that the way that our minds are designed is armed
are designed to stop you at all costs from doing anything that might hurt you
hmm and the way that that that that this all
happens is it all starts with something super subtle that none of us ever catch
and that is with this habit that all of us have that nobody's talking about we
all have a habit of hesitating mm-hm we have an idea you're sitting in a
meeting you have this incredible idea and instead of just you know saying it
you stop and you hesitate now what none of us realize is that when you hesitate
just that moment that micro moment that small hesitation it sends a stress
signal to your brain it wakes your brain up and your brain all of a sudden goes
oh wait a minute why is he hesitating he didn't hesitate
when he put on his killer spiky sneakers he didn't hesitate with the really cool
track pants he didn't hesitate with the NASA t-shirt now he's hesitating to talk
something must be up so then your brain goes to work to
protect you it has a million different ways to protect you one of them is
called the spotlight effect it's a known phenomenon where your brain magnifies
risk why to pull you away from something that it perceives to be a problem and so
you can truly trace every single problem or complaint in your life to silence and
hesitation those are decisions and what I do and what's changed my life is
waking up and realizing that motivations garbage I'm never gonna feel like doing
the things that are tough for difficult or uncertain or scary or no so I need to
stop waiting until I feel like it and number two I am one decision away from a
totally different marriage a totally different life a totally different job a
totally different income a totally different relationship with my kids
not like one decision I'm divorcing you in in the marriage example but one
decision on you know you could be having a conversation with your spouse and you
feel your emotions rise up and within a tiny window those emotions can take over
and can impact how your marriage goes or you can learn
take control of that micro moment and make a decision to act in a way that
actually shifts your marriage your life comes down to your decisions and if you
change your decisions you will change everything yeah I mean that that core
concept comes through so powerfully in your book which is phenomenal and I
would love it if you would take a second to tell people the story of how and by
the way I wore the NASA shirt because of the smelling my glasses off that is I
did not even get that I was gonna ask you why you wore that shirt oh my gosh
Wow so do your homework of course no absolutely okay so um let me just take
you back so so what what you're talking about is the five-second rule which has
become literally my life's work and it was all a gigantic mistake I read up on
you too and understand how quest like boy was born out of misery hmm the
five-second rule and my life now and my 20-year marriage and everything that I'm
doing and the companies that I've built and sold in the company and building now
it all comes back to a point in my life that completely and utterly blew I was
41 years old I was unemployed my husband had started a restaurant business which
was his dream this is actually a funny story when he he got laid off from a big
job in high tech and I think he was really relieved you know how a lot of us
wait to quit our jobs and then we get laid off or like and he said I'm not
gonna look for a job I'm gonna go into the restaurant business and I think I
said the most famous lines of our marriage at that point I looked at him
and I said listen buddy inspiration is for strangers you get
your butt back to that job and you pay the mortgage and again micro moment
where I'm being a jerk instead of being a supportive wife but that's an example
of where when he said he was not gonna go get a job but he was gonna start a
business the first thing that was there was fear right and so fear was making
the decision for me you can share that though that's so
powerful well so what happened is he the first restaurant was a home run and of
course what do you do when things are successful you grow it you grow it
really big and so they decided to raise some money and we threw in our home
equity line the kids college savings they tried to open a second and a third
and at the same point a grocery store chain encouraged them to go into
wholesale so it basically got way too big way too fast and the wheels started
to come off and they came off so badly that the second restaurant failed and
they held onto it for too long like a lot of us do it's another trick our
brains plan us called sunk costs when you throw a ton of time and a ton of
money at something it's really hard to let go of it and if you haven't done it
in business we all have a relationship in our past stayed way too long
that was a trick your brain played on you so by the time that they closed the
second restaurant it was an $800,000 loss oh I don't I mean that meant our
entire home equity line gone run it meant kids come I get just choked up
just thinking about how terrifying it was and so I found myself at the age of
41 like just feeling like a complete failure and so to Chris and to make it
worse not only had we lost all of our savings but so many friends and family
members had invested and so there was this real tension between the truth of
what was happening and what you had to do in public because it was public
business shame failure embarrassment and the lean started to hit the house the
phone started to ring and it was nothing but collection calls and I just remember
feeling this tremendous shame and at some point I think we all hit that
moment in life where things just are not going how you thought they would go and
and what's amazing about those moments is we all respond very differently so my
husband he would spring out of bed and he would head right out that door six
o'clock in the morning and he would go meet his partner and they would go to
the bank and they would dig right in and they would face
their problems head-on and I he's also a smart guy I mean he did not want to be
in the house when yours truly woke up because I was a raging bitch at that
point in our lives and the reason why is because when you're scared and you're
afraid and you're jealous and you're overwhelmed with emotion it
is so much easier to point the finger and other people that's a decision by
the way sir one you may not be aware that you're
making but you're still making it so what would happen to me is the exact
opposite is is Chris would be gone the alarm would go off at six o'clock in the
morning and I would lie there and I would think about the lien on the house
and I would think about the bankruptcy that we were facing and I would think
about how much we had fought the night before and I would think about the fact
that I was unemployed and I would hit the snooze button why would you get up
when your life is like that why would you I mean I needed confidence I needed
courage I was so tapped out and and you know what that's in the scheme of life
hitting the snooze button is not that big of a deal but here's the thing about
life none of us wake up and say today is the day I destroy my life what we do is
we kind of check out because it feels overwhelming or we check out because
we're afraid or we check out because we start listening to self-doubt and then
we make these teeny tiny decisions all day long we don't even realize it
decision to not get up on time a decision to not eat the right thing a
decision to snap at your kids a decision to not speak in a meeting a decision to
not look for a job a decision to not deal with your finances a decision to
not call your pair it is all day long these tiny decisions that take you so
far off track and then you wake up like I didn't and you you look at your life
and you think how the hell did I get here and more importantly how do I get
back over there and you have no idea and so I was so trapped and I know from your
story you felt the same way like you knew that there was more in store for
you but you couldn't figure out how you closed that gap
how do you find the power that's in you do you discover your greatness how do
you solve these problems it feels so overwhelming when you can't I mean I
would go to the grocery store and and the items would scan and I would be
sitting there reading my excuse because there was no way that my check card was
gonna clear so what I got in this struggle with myself that a lot of us
find ourselves in and that is you get trapped in what I call the knowledge
action gap you know what to do but you can't seem to make yourself do it right
I mean every one of us is one Google search away from a list of instructions
that if you follow any of them one it will change your life
but how do you get out of your head and stop thinking about what you need to do
and actually do it and in my case this stuff was pretty easy get up on time
make breakfast for the kids get them on the bus start looking for a job be nicer
to Chris don't drink so much instead of isolating yourself pick up the phone and
call a friend get yourself out into the woods and go
for a walk start running again like all these little things that I was capable
of but I couldn't get out of here could not get out of here and if you're stuck
that's the problem the problem is you're you're in your head you're thinking that
is the universal problem and it all starts with this knowledge of what to do
and then you hesitate and you think about whether or not you feel like doing
it so for a couple months I was I was really stuck I I would Chris would get
up at 6:00 I'd hit the snows and then I'd hit the snooze and then I hit the
snooze the kids would miss the bus and then every night I'd do the same thing
I'd go in bed have you ever had one of those nights probably before you started
your company but it where you go in bed you're like all right um that's it
tomorrow it's the new me tomorrow tomorrow I'm gonna get up on time I am
gonna go to the gym I am gonna look for a job I'm not gonna drink so much it's
gonna be amazing the new me the you Charmy Wow let's do this right then
you go to bed and you wake up seven hours later and you're like I don't know
me it's the only who that's a stupid at seat motivations garbage it's never
there when you need it ever ever ever ever and so here's what happened to me
and thank you for wearing the NASA t-shirt it's a really stupid story it's
a powerful story so one night Chris had gone to bed I had been struggling
struggling struggling we still had all the same problems I we started lean on
the house still facing bankruptcy still fighting like crazy I was still
unemployed he still they still hadn't figured out
like the solution yet for the business and I was about to turn off the TV and
there on the the TV there was this rocket launching and I thought oh my
gosh it I am gonna launch myself out of bed like a rocket ship like NASA right
here had launched me out of that bed and I'm gonna move so fast
that I don't think hmm I'm gonna beat my brain now here's a really interesting
point I talk a lot about your instincts and inner wisdom and we can get into
this a little bit later but a lot of us talk about the fact that you have a gut
feeling but what all this research that I've done for the book and and all the
speaking that I do what I've discovered that's fascinating is actually when you
set goals when you have an intention on something that you want to change about
your life your brain helps you what it does is it opens up a checklist and then
your brain goes to work trying to remind you yeah of that intention that you set
and it's really important to develop the skill and I say that word purposefully
the skill of knowing how to hear that inner wisdom and that intention kicking
in and leaning into it quickly so for me my brain saying that's it right there
move as fast as a rocket Mel I wanted to change my life and I think most people
that are miserable or that are that are really like dying to be great and dying
to have more we want to change we want to
live a better life we want to create more for our families we want to be
happier the the desire is there again it's about how do you go from knowledge
to actions so the first thing in the story that's important is realizing that
the answer was in me and my mind was telling me pay attention I could have
also been the Bourbon anyway the next morning the alarm goes off and I
pretended NASA was there it's a stupidest story I literally went
5 4 3 2 1 I counted out loud and then I stood up and I'll never forget standing
there in my bedroom it was dark it was cold it was winter in Boston mm-hmm and
for the first time in three months I had beaten my habit of hitting the snooze
button I couldn't believe it and I thought wait a minute
counting backwards that is the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my entire life
well the next morning I used it again and it worked the next morning I used it
again and it worked the next morning I used it again and it worked and then I
started to notice something really interesting there were moments all day
long all day long just like that five-second moment in bed where I knew
knowledge what I should do and if I didn't move within five seconds my brain
would step in and talk me out of it every human being has a five-second
window might even be shorter for you you have about a five-second window in which
you can move from idea to action before your brain kicks into full gear and
sabotages any change in behavior because remember your brain is wired to stop you
from doing things that are uncomfortable or uncertain or scary it's your job to
learn how to move from those ideas that could change everything into acting on
them in the smallest moment for anyone right now at home who's thinking like
this sounds too simple too easy talk a bit about your community because
reading some of their comments it is it's crazy
how many people like the sheer volume of people you quote in your book but if you
also go online and just look at the people that are like directly reaching
out to you it is an avalanche of people that have stories around the five-second
rule well one of the reasons why I'm so excited about this book and look you
don't have to buy the book this is an idea that you can use it's free it's
backed by science more than eight million people around the world have
discovered it and you know you're talking about the number of people we've
heard from more than a hundred thousand people in 80 countries that are using
this rule we know of 11 people who have stopped themselves from killing
themselves using this for us I saw one of those yes yes there's a guy Steve
that wrote to us who is a veteran he was suffering from post-traumatic stress
disorder he boarded a ferry overseas with the intention to jump over he
walked over to the railing and his inner wisdom kicked in in that
moment the five-second rule 5 4 3 2 1 counting backwards moved away from the
railing asked for help saved his life his story has inspired countless other
people that have heard me in the speeches that I give around the world
about this one tool and so you know the thing the thing that's so cool about
this and I should tell you the science behind it because I'm gonna be honest
with you it is stupid had I ever thought that I would find myself eight years
after discovering it spending my days telling people about the five-second
rule first of all I would have picked a different name because it reminds you of
the one where you have to like pick up food within 5 seconds off the floor
right it was my secret weapon this was something I did I never intended to tell
anybody because I went from getting up on time and waking up on time to shaking
up my entire life because when you understand the power of a 5 second
decision and you understand that you always have a choice to go from
autopilot to decision-maker everything in your life will change you will be a
different negotiator you will be different in sales you will
be unstoppable in the gym because you will realize the amount of gar
bitch that you put in the way of your hopes of your dreams of your potential
of your confidence of your courage everything comes down to the decisions
that you make we all know what to do none of us know how to make ourselves do
it so I started researching it why does something so stupid work why why does
something so silly create such powerful and profound change
well here's why the rule is a form of metacognition metacognition is a
fancy-pants terms that means something real simple you can outsmart your own
brain in furtherance of goals they're tricks that you can use that actually
outsmart the tricks your brain plays on you in furtherance of a higher purpose
we all know this you can you can restrain yourself if you're in a
situation that calls for it you can jump into a raging river to save your dog or
your kid you can direct yourself in ways if it's important to you and so the rule
what it does is it does something really remarkable when you count backwards 5 4
3 2 1 what you're actually doing is you're interrupting what researchers
call habit loops that get encoded as as closed loop patterns in your basal
ganglia that's the part of the brain where your feelings or your emotions
every habit that you have which is nothing more than behavior that you
repeat that you don't even think about I've heard it referred to as a gearbox
yes you shift your attention yes and so when you go 5 4 3 2 1 it interrupts
what's going on here that's spinning without you thinking and it moves and
awakens your prefrontal cortex so when you hit one your habit has been
interrupted so you've interrupted self-doubt you've interrupted
maybe snapping at your kids you've interrupted the desire to grab for a
drink you've interrupted procrastination you've also by counting backwards done
an action it's awakened your prefrontal cortex that is the part of the brain
that you need that's awake when you're changing behavior
when you're learning new things when you hit one it's also a prompt so in the
language of research you'll hear people talk about starting rituals that is that
is something that's proven to help you learn a new habit the five-second rule
when you repeat it becomes a starting ritual that triggers you to act with
confidence that triggers you that this is a moment for courage that triggers
you to shift gears and because you've also done the manual work of awakening
the part of the brain that you need to change you've set yourself up for
success it doesn't work if you count up because you can keep going and also
counting up doesn't require focus if you count backwards 5 4 3 2 1 it again
awakens the prefrontal cortex and it prompts you to move when you start to
use it and then you read about it you'll see that that it's being used all over
the place they use it in the armed services in order to align troops and
get them to start an exercise they use it at elementary schools 5 4 3 2 1 at
big assemblies to get a huge room full of kids
stop talking simple and interesting example yeah because it requires you to
focus it's not a habit it will become a habit that prompts you to have
confidence of courage but in the beginning it interrupts patterns of
behavior that you do on autopilot it helps you assert control and it teaches
you how to become the kind of person that moves from thinking about something
to actually doing it it's incredible so there's so many things in that story and
guys I'm telling you it's you're gonna love the depth of brain research that is
put in the book it's really quite extraordinary you really have an amazing
grasp of the brain and it really really came through in the book and for me it
was a wonderful balancing act between the just raw emotion of the people
writing in and some of the stories that you're sharing and you know the imagery
of the rocket ship which you know I mean you're you're very open about it's sort
of a silly visual metaphor but because it's effective that silliness is
somewhat irrelevant what's incredible is in five seconds flat self-doubt can take
over and rob you of your power and rob you of joy and rob you of your potential
for in five seconds flat you can actually use one stupid little
trick to push yourself to grab it what I loved in the book is because you
paint the picture so very well you're also just a good writer so you paint the
pictures like I could feel the crisp you know winter air of Boston like stalking
you out of the you know the under the comforter and so I could really feel
that I was there with you you know as as Chris's businesses struggling and so you
really feel all of that and so the moment when you do the countdown you
spring out of bed and you're almost like taking yourself by surprise and you're
like moving before you realize it and then but you're reading it from the
perspective of I already knew who you were so it was give me the chills it was
more difficult to picture you as stuck than it was to know I know where she
goes right I'd already seen the TED talk by the time I read the book I knew what
you were doing from a media perspective I knew how many people and companies
you'd help so for me it was like watching it in Reverse
mmm so I'm watching it from the safety of I know she crushes it so if this is
the thing and I love that this isn't your first book like this was the secret
that you plan to like keep hidden in the drawer forever oh yeah I would tell
anybody cuz it was stupid and it also works and so my thing is not your thing
and but see the real thing that happened for me and this is this is something
that that is a really important topic for me is that there's a there's when
you talk about personality so extroverts introverts a lot of us really I know I
did this I was all wrong about what confidence men I thought confidence was
a personality trait I love this tell me more I thought that people that are
outgoing or the confident once right and the truth is confidence is not a
personality trait at all it's a skill and a lot of the extroverted people that
you know are actually very insecure I used to be one of them I used to be the
kind of bossy crass loudmouth that didn't believe in myself that didn't
believe in my ideas that didn't have the confidence and the courage to really be
the real me Who I am who I'm not flaws at all there are a tremendous number of
introverted people that feel uncomfortable putting the attention on
themselves but there very very confident their ideas they
definitely believe in themselves and so when you start to separate confidence
not as a matter of personality but as a skill that you can acquire because
confidence is the ability to move in my opinion from thought to action because
when you're a confident person you believe enough in yourself and your
capabilities that you're willing to try that you're willing to share to me
confidence isn't the assuredness that it turns out it's the willingness to try
and and that was a huge insight for me and and what a lot of people don't know
about me although I share this on stage and I'm extremely open about this
because this is a topic that's really important to me is that the single most
profound use of the five-second rule is mind control and I say that as a lawyer
I will tell you you can use this stupid trick to cure yourself of anxiety yeah I
wanted to talk about that so you struggled very profoundly anxiety mhm so
walk us through like some nuts and bolts of how you use the five-second rule
because I think we're so my hypothesis and the reason we found it impact theory
is that the world is living through two pandemics the pandemic of the body which
everybody understands because it's so visual yep being overweight dying of
diet related diseases such as diabetes and things like that but because the
second pandemic the pandemic of the mind is invisible people don't realize how
pervasive a suicide is and it's a leading cause of death among young men I
mean it's crazy and then that there are ways that they
can go about attacking that and fixing the problem
so yeah walk us through that sure I would love to so first of all I
literally have struggled with anxiety my entire life and anxiety for this
conversation the way I define it is it is the habit of worrying spiraled out of
control you know you may say that you are a worrier that's not true you have a
habit of worrying a habit is a pattern of behavior or thinking that you repeat
without realizing it so anxiety happens when that
of worrying about things spirals out of control and now it starts to marry and
manifest itself with physical sensations - that's all that it is I know that I
say that's all that it is me personally I struggled with anxiety I think my
entire life it became quite acute when I was in my late teens and early twenties
I became medicated in the middle of law school I took us all off for two decades
when our first daughter was born who is now 17 the postpartum depression and the
cascading panic was so terrible that not only was i medicated and couldn't
breastfeed but I couldn't be left alone with her so when I say you can cure
yourself of anxiety I don't say that lightly mmm four years ago after I had
been using the five-second rule to change my behavior how I spoke to my
husband how I negotiate in business meetings how I conduct sales the kind of
parent that I am my health habits my eating habits curbing the drinking I
thought I wonder if I can use this five four three two one thing to get control
of my thought patterns now my behavior patterns my thought patterns yes you can
so we're gonna we're gonna build this conversation cuz I want to start with
something we can all relate to and that is how do you stop worrying and how do
you stop listening self-doubt this is how you're gonna do it so all day long
you're going to have moments where your thoughts drift and I use that word on
purpose because for me there is a physical sensation when you start to use
the five-second rule and you start to wake up not only on time in the morning
but you wake up to your life and the opportunities in your life there's your
thoughts drift like you'll just be hanging out with your friends and then
suddenly you're like I'm not sure that that person likes me anymore you know I
haven't heard from my kids lately I wonder if they're dead or you know you
know as what check it like you just start worrying about stuff why because
it's a habit because when you're not paying attention your brains shifts from
you being a decision-maker and paying attention to you just kind of spinning
things on autopilot and one of your habits
the second you wake up and you notice holy cow I'm talking some negative
garbage to myself right now hmm 5 4 3 2 1 you've just shifted the part
of the brain that you're using you've shifted from the basal ganglia which is
where your habit loops are spinning and you've awakened your prefrontal cortex
you've also interrupted that pattern now what you're going to do because your
mind is actually ready to receive a different thought because of the
counting now you can put in an anchor thought like if you have a mantra if
you've got a vision about the way that your business is going to turn out in
five years if you just have a thought that makes you really happy and proud
insert that now why does this work it works because of the counting and I'm
not kidding we know based on research the positive thinking alone not
effective in some instances trying to force yourself to think positive can
actually make the worries worse why well the reason why is because it's really
hard to just change the channel what we have to do first is basically interrupt
it and turn off the TV and then turn it back on with the prefrontal cortex
awakened so the counting is essential and so you can start using this today
you catch yourself talking garbage to yourself because we all know if I were
to put a speaker on your head and broadcast it so he's sitting here in the
audience you'd be in an insane asylum because the crap that you say to
yourself is insane and the problem is we listen to it you'll be you'll be in a
sales meeting and you'll be undermining yourself they're not gonna buy all my
gosh I'm in trouble you're not even present five four three
two one switch it back get back to that vision that you have about toasting your
success or this customer being really happy are you being proud of yourself
whatever that vision may be you can control your thoughts and this is not
just us talking about it this is a tool that you can use so let's take it a step
further so worrying if you let it go unchecked what will happen is you will
get used to worrying you will get used to living in a state where you're
slightly agitate all the time let me talk a little bit
about agitation so what we know based on research is that physically in your body
so physiologically being excited is the exact same thing as being afraid let me
say that again because it is so important in your body being excited is
the exact same thing as being afraid your body doesn't know the damn
difference your heart races your armpit sweat you're like you know you may get
tight in your throat you mean your cheeks may get pink like my do when I
get excited the only difference between excitement and fear is what your brain
says and the problem is if you have a habit of worrying guess what you're
gonna tell yourself is going on that you're that you're like freaking out
that you're not excited that something must be wrong
oh gosh why would you say something's wrong because you got to have it a
saying that all the time even as I became a speaker for a living or I'd be
on CNN when I first started doing it I would be freaking out backstage but even
even though like you know just to cut me just last week he's standing backstage
about to go on eight thousand people heart races armpit sweat you know my
hands get clammy I'm not nervous though not at all I'm excited and so I
developed this technique and research out of Harvard not based on my technique
but something very similar proves that if you basically write before you're
about to do something take a test run a race public speaking a business
negotiation ask somebody to marry you whatever it may be that get your heart
racing just do this go I'm excited I'm excited to give that speech I'm excited
to ask him or her I'm excited to do this race I'm excited because what happens is
you give your brain context so your brain doesn't escalate the stuff going
on in your body your brains not worried make sense so you can combine this with
a five second rule so we know how to do worrying you can't use catch your
thoughts through a 5 4 3 2 1 anchor thought if you start to feel your heart
racing 5 4 3 2 1 to awaken the prefrontal cortex and then
start going I'm really I'm really excited to do this another
technique that you can use is asked I think they call it interrogative and
territory questions where instead of giving yourself a pep talk say well why
am I ready to do this why am i ready because that'll force you to answer the
question which then convinces you so why am i ready to close the sale why am i
ready to give this speech why am I ready so those are two strategies that you can
use back by science that are proven to actually make your performance be much
better now let's take it a step further - anxiety so anxiety is what happens
when the habit of worrying spins out of control your body gets really agitated
and then you allow your mind to escalate it into a full-blown panic attack so for
those of you that have not had the pleasure of having a panic attack let me
explain what it's like so have you ever been in your car and you're driving down
the road and you go to change lanes and all of a sudden there's like oh my god
there's a car right there yeah right and you swerve a little bit
and then your heart's like food and you may sweat a little bit and and you grip
the wheel really tight and you're super locked in on on the road ahead of you
but then that car pulls away and the the the near-miss scenario passes and your
mind starts going okay you're all right now right you're all right now that's it
that's all that's what a panic attack is only it happens while you're standing in
front of your coffee pot seriously you have that same polygon behind that and
your heart's racing and and the problem for your brain is that your brain can't
look around and say holy cow we almost got hit by a car right your brain saying
what the hell is wrong with her she's making coffee and she's freaking
out and so now your brain is a problem because what's your brains job it's
designed to protect you mm-hmm so your brain will now do whatever it can to
magnify the problem remember we talked about the spotlight effect it'll start
telling you all kinds of crazy stuff because it can't figure out contextually
what the hell's going on she's just making coffee now her hardest rating
racing and she's breathing really holy cow maybe she is having a heart
attack a lot of people that have panic attack
say I think I'm dying oh my god what's happening or you'll see them do the
deer-in-the-headlights thing where they got to get out of the room that is the
spotlight effect in your brain now taking control and magnifying everything
to get you out of whatever it was so here's how you use the five-second rule
you use it to stabilize your thoughts before the panic escalates and then what
happens is it drifts in to worry and then it disappears so the second you
feel worried you catch it you train yourself to do that if you start feeling
yourself getting you know your heart racing you can five four three two one
and use the I'm excited I'm excited if you if that doesn't work literally five
four three two one and just give yourself an anchor thought literally of
you being okay I'll give you another quick example
because this is one that we have a tremendous number of success with and
people that hear the example use it immediately and are blown away I used to
be terrified of flying terrified every bump I'd be freaking out and and so I
started using this strategy with the plane so the second that you feel
yourself getting nervous five four three two one and then your anchor thought is
a vision of what you're gonna do when you get to where you're going so when I
get on the plane tomorrow to fly back to Boston I'll think about walking in the
house and the place is like a disaster it'll look like everybody's stuff got
loaded into a cannon and fired all over the you know first floor and so if we
hit turbulence five four three two one I'll think about that vision because
cognitively for my brain if I'm walking in the house and it's a disaster the
plane made it that's the power of this it's incredible incredible what I love
about email is that hey I love how raw and real you are about your own
situation which because people are gonna look at you and the first thing they're
gonna want to do is make your extraordinary is way not to have to like
live up to your standard because what you've accomplished really is
astonishing and seeing you on stage is unbelievable unbelievable you're so good
at that and I know that it comes from working your ass off but Wow
it's very very impressive thank you but then that you use techniques like that
you've got answers for you know how have I done this I've done it like this
and I've had cast sit across from me that that's not their stick right like
they have done truly extraordinary things with their life but they seem
just like totally blind to how they did it and the fact that you can walk people
through it is so cool well I think we're all flawed and that's the beauty of who
you are and instead of trying to make yourself perfect in every area it's so
much easier when you accept the things that you're terrible or at or that are
your weaknesses or that are the things about your wiring look if I were
diabetic I would take insulin I happen to be somebody that's wired for anxiety
no big deal so figure out how to instead of fighting
those things actually trick it because the truth is that you're never gonna
feel ready to make these changes you're never gonna feel like doing them but you
can always make a decision that's always in your control staying with somebody
that treats you like garbage is a decision
it is staying at a job that you hate is a decision staying in the body that you
are not proud of is a decision is it going to be easy no it's not gonna be
easy to change it's simple do a google search and then use the
five-second rule to force yourself to do that stuff change comes down to
five-second decisions and this is why the five-second rule is important for
everybody to know it's your job to push yourself and I don't care if you're dr.
Martin Luther King jr. or your Michelangelo or your lin-manuel Miranda
who wrote Hamilton you will struggle with self-doubt and everybody that you
admire everybody and the list is the same favorite Oh Oprah Winfrey and I
want to be like you know Tom and I want to be like you know Branson and I want
to be like jay-z and I want like everybody's listed as a Bill Gates and
do you know what those people do they do not have the habit of hesitating they
trust themselves I really fast before we go tell us about the million dollar
mornings and setting oh yes I have a gift so here's the thing
I did one thing other than the five cent rule that has changed my life my
marriage everything I do not have the phone in my bedroom the phone is
designed by people like your phone you should not have your phone in your
bedroom and here's why because what's on your phone is not your dreams what's on
your phone is stuff that's been designed by people that study game theory
you know why you check your email all the time all the time you know you're
constantly looking at your phone it's called random rewards it's a
psychological principle that explains why we pull slot machines because every
six or seven times we get a little random reward so we keep going back I
know most emails blow but every once in a while you get a good one that's why
you keep looking right so I created this course called the million dollar morning
whether you want to make a million dollars a year or in a morning or
whether you want to wake up and feel like a million bucks this is the science
backed strategy step by step by step for how to wake up because it's not when you
wake up that's matters it's how you wake up that matters and we filmed it at the
house I walk you through all the science I show you the whole routine and we're
giving it to your audience for free Wow yeah thank you you're welcome
because look I want you to use these things it's one thing to talk talk talk
and think it's another thing to actually take action and the more that that you
can provide that I can provide that shows people what to do and the more
tools that we can give people to get out of their heads and into action the more
the world is going to improve the more your life will improve so all right I
get the feeling that this whole time has sort of been answering this question but
I'm going to ask it anyway what's the impact that you want to have on the
world I want the impact that I want to have is
I want to teach people how to discover the power that's inside of them to live
fully in the open and share themselves who they are who they're not like
there's so much fear that we live I want to teach people how to live with
more courage because courage is nothing more than the ability to do things that
are uncertain in today's world where you have the internet you can literally
learn launch do anything anything the only thing that's truly stopping you are
the limiting patterns that you think the the self-doubt the fear the habits that
you have and you can break them you can break them five seconds at a time and so
the impact that I want to have is I want to teach people a simple way to discover
the power that's locked inside them and then to unleash it and go out and live
the life they've always dreamt of awesome well thank you so I want a hug
guys you're going to want to dive into the very warm waters that are this
woman's world it is absolutely astonishing I'm talking raw
vulnerability but what I love is no matter how silly some of the things she
may say they are they're incredibly powerful you will see her community they
will reach out you will see them talking about how they've changed in real time
whether it's stepping back from a ledge and not making a catastrophic bad
decision or whether it's just truly jumping out of bed and attacking their
life unleashing the power that they have within themselves to live the life they
were meant to live to finally own what they actually want which is something
that she really really encourages everybody to do especially our community
it is unbelievable and you guys will benefit so tremendously from somebody
who is able to convey the difference between motivation which is bullshit and
action which is real and that is where she has made a name for herself she is
all about action you guys heard it today she breaks things down into the not
always easy but the always simple steps and if you follow those steps you will
be able to transform your life really in five seconds or less it's absolutely
breathtaking she backs everything up with science so
mell where can they find you online anywhere just Google Mel Robin seriously
I'm on insta on Facebook I'm on Twitter we're on snap or on LinkedIn website is
Mel Robbins calm or email me no joke hello at Mel Robbins calm give us a
couple days to respond but we respond so there you go and don't troll me look I'm
on CN n people talk about the turkey neck they write nothing but trashy stuff
all the time so you don't go there but if you if you write you need help you
need more advice and we have so much free content so many videos so many
articles so just go to Mel Robbins comm and you'll find all kinds of cool stuff
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