Waching daily Apr 2 2018

Hello.

It's this unknown Stupid Youtuber here (Libby/Minty)

I don't mean to bother you but I've been getting spam text messages on Google Hangouts from you guys.

For some reason, you're super happy that I come here once in a while.

I'm honored...? I guess..?

Lately I've been super depressed as usual and haven't been getting better.

I'm not proud of who I am and don't understand why people come to me.

I'm a person who was born with a suffering family at the wrong place and the wrong time.

I guess life really hates me.

I somehow attract people to come near me.. And I hate it.

I mean it's nice but when it stops,

I don't know how to reach out to others.

I have a hard time talking and creating conversations.

I usually stay quiet and have people speak, since I am too scared of what the world thinks of me.

I no longer don't know how to keep meeting new people to be friends with.

And keep getting trapped with the people I already know.

Some of the people I know (which aren't many) are making me lose interest in them and feeling trapped.

There's only 1 person I kind of don't feel like that but I rarely have contact with them.

Making me feel all alone in this miserable hole.

I wish I knew how to make friends and not keeping friends who I don't have interest with.

I always have to play this nice side of me who can't fight back because I am too afraid to hurt anyone.

At home, with my family, I'm not afraid with true self.

Why can't I be like that around others?

Especially with my 1 friend who I trust more than the few people I now no longer hangout with.

I keep asking questions, and those questions rise higher up.

Getting far and far away from me.

Not getting answers and sinking deeper and deeper into the hole.

I'm not proud of what I create around me.

Especially when I hold a pencil and have paper in front of me.

I question again,

Why do I bother to live when my family members around me (who are quickly dying)- due the wrong choices they're making.

Like; drugs, sleeping pills, going out at night and not coming back for a week, continuously drinking, and more.

I don't know how I deal with this.

And I don't know why I still stand to this day.

A while ago, I lost the girl of my dreams due to her cheating.

Isn't that great?

Why do I keep meeting people who are totally okay people, but end up taking over and hurting me?

I gave her my whole soul, my trust, and my love for her.

I've experienced 3 relationships and they all went downhill.

The 2nd relationship was understandable and is none of our fault.

So I guess that was the only okay relationship?

I know right now,

This video is very depressing and I don't mean for anyone to feel sympathy for me or some shit.

It's just me explaining half of my bullshit to you.

Letting you know why I don't come back here to make videos on this channel.

And you may question me "why I livestream once in a long time?"

The reason why I would livestream was because it would make me feel less lonely and have somebody near me.

Someone to talk to, not faking my personality, likings, or anything.

Just me being real with you, being free, and having a good time once in my life.

All I want is true friends, bits and pieces of happiness.

Not everything has to be happy in my life.

I don't care how long the happy scene will last, just at least let me have it for a moment.

That's all I really want but all I get is shitty people who; use me for their problems, to tease for pleasure, not care for me as I do for them, and more.

All of them think as if I don't suffer enough while behind my background... There's so much shit going on that I can't even keep up.

Youtube was a fun pleasant journey, but ( some) people I met along the journey had to come and bring me down.

These are known as my friends.

Well I thought they were.

I don't care what shitty comments I get. I no longer care what anyone thinks of me unless they're my family.

And that is the truth.

My family loves to bring me down and they do a great job doing it.

These people who have come across my life and joined in for a bit.. Have now made me stubborn, emotionally and physically broken.

I will never believe in anything again is what I've learned.

I guess having no friends is better than anything.

It's like I'm the only one for me that can bring peace than others can.

Anyways,

Stop messaging me on hangouts,

I'll be okay, I just won't be on this platform anymore.

Just let this channel die and move on.

Thank you.

I'm sorry for having you come along with me on my journey.

I wish you goodluck and turn out like me.

Thank you for some the nice, warming memories.

It meant a lot and it still does.

Goodbye.