[disclaimer]
Welcome to How To January!
In these series of videos throughout January 2017, I'm going to teach you how to become
a popular and famous youtuber in any of these video genres.
Have you ever wanted to become a good youtuber?
Don't hesitate then!
Here throughout this month, I got you the perfect tips and tricks on how to become a
signature youtuber of any category!
Today, we'll learn how to make those game reviews like AngryJoe, JinoGamerHC or Sasel
do!
[intro music]
So have you ever sit on a Cinemassacre's The Angry Video Game Nerd videos and said
to yourself: "gee, I want to become a successful video game reviewer just like him!"
Well, first of all, fuck off.
But second of all, you can now become a successful game reviewer just like ALL THESE PEOPLE!
Just follow these simple steps to become a famous YouTube game reviewer!
STEP 1: Research
If you're looking forward to review a very specific game, you need to do the proper research
to be able to criticise that game.
How much research you ask?
Well, little to no research is necessary, because who cares about studying journalism
and game journalism when all you matter for is the sweet YouTube jew gold?
To be able to review a game, you must play a game during a certain amount of time.
That amount of time is 30 minutes.
That's it.
Oh, what's that, you say?
You didn't even finish the game properly or the game is too long for your taste?
Well, I will have the perfect solution for you!
In a few steps later.
Just remember a golden rule on this regard: video games are made by big companies like
Ubisoft, EA or Activision, AND JUST THEM.
No one cares at this point of the developers under them.
They are trash.
That comes in handy when you just look at the Wikipedia page of that game to see who
made it.
Or the game cover if you're not blind, dumbass.
What's that?
You play these games like shit and have no experience in video games at all?
Don't worry, just play as that and you'll be able to justify it with bullshit later.
If a game doesn't lower its standards to your shitty casual level of game experience,
it's their fault for making you purchase such game for PC Master Race basement dwellers!
Even though you play like shit at a game that's as simple as a monkey throwing poop to a bunch
of strangers, it's only their fault!
And if a game takes you anyway less than a specified amount of time, regardless of its
actual quality, the game is automatically bad, because it couldn't manage to please
you 24/7 for your petty demands!
(Angry Joe) "4 HOURS!?"
Tongue of the Fat Man.
STEP 2: Video production and all that shit.
Once you've taken enough notes out of your petty nerd rage for not being able to pass
through the first Goomba in Super Mario Bros., it's time to make the video.
This assumes you already have the necessary video production equipment and software, which
if that's not the case, well… um… just pirate that shit.
Who cares.
In order to make a good game review video, you must start off with a cringey skit that
probably has the production budget of a green screen and some Walmart costumes.
Or if you're not into that, just start off as either a boring and uninteresting bloke
with the personal look of a Detroit drug dealer, or either as some pandering fuckhead who treats
you like a baby in front of a silver keychain.
[look at these keys, they're shiny]
You need to criticize a game like it was your fucking bitch.
Because your ego has just an immensity it doesn't even fit in your household recording
studio and dogshit editing, you should treat your games and your audience like your fucking
black slaves.
"Oh my god, you're literally Hitler!
That's racist!
I'm going to unsub from your channel, JMAA!
You're a white cis racist male!"
Oh, shut up.
A game's soundtrack that's usually typical for the franchise it belongs to?
Just qualify it as "generic western music".
A game that you think its technical flaws matter more than the polish and gameplay and
philosophy elements of it?
Just call it "THE DISAPPOINTMENT OF THE DECADE".
You know people like you take out of context shit.
You know it.
As a game reviewer personality on YouTube, you should be either like those reviewers
from the 90s or either like those reviewers in the 2000s.
Either treat a game like entirely shit, or either treat a game like entirely a MASTERPIECE.
It doesn't matter that every game has imperfections and have equally virtues and flaws.
Either way it's black or white.
And who cares if video games aren't a human right?
Call a game a scam just because it costed you more than you expected it to be, because
let's be honest: you want to save that sweet YouTube jew gold in pizza and other pointless
life commodities.
STEP 3: ???
Once you've uploaded your video to YouTube, it's time to take the criticism from your
very own viewers.
And by that, I mean "don't take criticism properly at all".
Just remember: you are over everyone else on YouTube.
Your opinion matters more than everyone else.
And if someone doesn't agree with you on how you made certain video or on your opinion,
just treat them like an utter cunt.
Even block them on Twitter if you're willing to.
That works.
And if that doesn't work at all, just play victim!
Feel free to use the free "DEPRESSION WILD CARD".
Depression solves everything even if you're not medically diagnosed with it.
It's so easy.
Almost forgot!
If you're looking desperately for an identity that's probably generic as fu- I mean…
unique and bright, here's some ideas for your YouTube name:
You have the "Angry <blank>", like "Raging Weeaboo", or "Pissy Console Gamer",
or "Angry Joe"
Even if you're not angry in 90% of your videos, that's fine!
Call yourself anything!
You're my special snowflake!
You also have the "Gamer Stereotype" type.
"SuperGamer47", "GamingKoala", or "JinoGamerHC".
There's also the "Snobby" type if you're feeling like an elitist piece of shit, such
as "The Snobby Gamer", or "The Gentleman Reviewer", or some shit like that.
If you play a character in your videos as well, just let the character eat you entirely
so you blur out the line of what's a real personality and what's not real.
So you even act more like a complete asshole.
STEP 4: Profit
As the final step, just remind yourself that, no matter the shit they throw at you, no matter
how much criticism you take, you still win on YouTube.
Because the content that gets promoted on this shitty platform doesn't matter if it
has more dislikes than likes.
There's no such thing as bad publicity, it's still free publicity, and you'll
eventually find easily influenceable people that will bow down to your shitty immense
ego.
You're now YouTube famous, who gives a shit?
You're already swimming in fucking jew gold!
Ha ha ha ha!
Now seriously, don't call yourself a "game journalist" when you don't even have proper
journalism, faggot.
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