You know who would be good to play you?
Cuba Gooding Jr. ... Crush you.
Thank you.
That's who I think would play you.
I think he would nail it. If feel like me, Roy Wood Jr.,
and Craig Robinson can just all play each other.
People always think I'm one of the Impractical Jokers.
I'm like, "No, man, I took the bus here."
Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
What's up, everybody? Welcome to Stupid Questions.
I'm Chris Distefano. It's stand up month, baby ...
2019 starting off with stand up month.
I'm excited. I'm in a tux. I got Ron Funches.
His special's airing. It's called Giggle Fit.
It's hilarious. It's going to do more than giggle.
Yeah. You're going to probably guffaw.
That's it.
If you were an action figure, what would you come with?
Oh, I would probably have a huggable action move to hug you.
Right.
It would probably come with a bong, and then,
Skittles, and some Magnum Condoms ...
usually what were found in my pockets on a random day.
You've got that big dick energy, like Pete Davidson.
Here's a question I designed just for you.
Perfect.
If you were stuck in a video game universe,
what universe would it be?
Right away, I think about Mario, because that just seems fun.
Why not? It's also very ...
There's a lot of pipes you got to go through.
Sure. There's a lot of enemies.
It's like you're living off a diet of just mushrooms
and fire flowers, which is a [crosstalk 00:01:28]-
Relatively healthy.
Yeah, but I like a little meat in there.
Okay.
I think I want to live in the Tecmo Dead
or Alive Volleyball universe,
which is just a bunch of women fighters.
Instead of fighting, they're playing volleyball in bikinis.
I take pictures of them. I mean, the game's creepy.
I guess in this universe, I'm okay.
You do whatever you want.
Yeah. Yeah. Wow, that was great.
Oh, I'm not going to go to a violent area.
I did not expect it to get to volleyball.
That's a hot sport.
Best thighs in any sport.
Absolutely, thighs.
Here's another stupid question.
If you were a ghost, who would you haunt?
I would haunt my ex-wife. I didn't want to say that.
Yeah.
But, I would definitely haunt her.
She'll get it.
Yeah. She knows why.
What about if you died a hundred years ago?
If I died a hundred years ago ...
You got to haunt some slave masters.
Yeah. They're still around, right?
Yeah. They're around back then. You got to haunt them.
I guess I would haunt my Uncle Johnny.
Well, he's dead too,
so I guess we'd just be haunting each other.
Do you believe in ghosts?
I believe in whatever's more fun.
Right.
Do I want something fried or sauteed?
Sauteed, that sounds more fun.
Yeah.
If ghosts and spirits exist, or do they not?
It sounds more fun if they do, to me.
Why not?
Yeah. It's a good easy life.
All right. Thanks for doing Stupid Questions.
Thank you for having me.
Always with Stupid Questions, you get a stupid gift.
Okay.
That's what it is. I figured you're big into wrestling.
Bang.
Oh. What do you think of that?
I love it. That's not stupid at all.
You like that?
Yeah. I could use it for wrestling and sexually.
No, you got a big head, man.
Yeah, I got too big of a head. It'll fit your head.
Oh, it is tight.
I see what your problem was before.
Yeah. Congrats again on Giggle Fit, man. It's been great.
Thank you. I can't really see you,
but I hope I'm looking in your general direction.
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