- They use their media to assassinate real news
about corncobs.
They use their movie stars and singers
and comedy shows and award shows
and British baking competition shows
to repeat their narrative about how it's messy
and wrong to keep wet, buttery corncobs
in our personal tax paying pockets,
all to make them march against our cause,
protest our cause, make them scream racism and sexism
and xenophobia and homophobia
and hey, your wet, slobbered on corncob
is leaking out of your pocket and onto my seat on the bus.
They smash windows, burn cars,
shut down interstates and airports
until the only option left is for the police
to do their jobs and kill, kill, kill
those without cobbies in their pockets.
And when that happens, they'll use the wet mess
trailing us from the slobbery corncobs in our pockets
as an excuse for their outrage.
The only way we stop this, the only way we save our country
and our freedom is to fight this violence of lies
with the clenched fist of truth
stuck deep into our pockets and wrapped around the damp
and feeble cob of yellow American corn.
I'm the National Corncob-In-Your-Pocket
Association of America,
and freedom means being able to murder people
with a slobbed on corncob.
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