I swear there must be a department in the Japanese Government dedicated to finding the
weirdest shit their country can make and exporting it to The West.
The Ministry Of The See-What-The-Giajin-Can-Lap-Up-Next or something.
Uuuuuh!
Saying this, the Parodius series was never actually exported to The West - must have
been deemed too weird even for their standards!
This old-school side-scrolling shooter forces you to take on a hulking ballerina pandas,
pirate cat submarines, giant subtitle-shooting mermaids, and something that looks like the
bastard progeny of what would happen if Grace Jones defiled an Easter Island statue.
I think the designers just took a shit-ton of nouns, put them into a bag, and created
bosses based on whatever combination of words came out.
Godzilla-esque burlesque dancer anyone?
Back in the old Atari days, when most of the current internet population was barely an
itch in their daddies crotch, the video games industry was still trying to find itself.
This resulted in a lot of experimentation, which could be a blessing or a curse.
In this instance, some bright spark decided that playing hide & seek was too much of a
chore, and so decided that LET'S MAKE IT A VIDEO GAME INSTEAD!
Sneak'n'peek was born.
A two-player game where one has the option of hiding in a room, or sneaking out the door
to - wait for it - Another room!
The other person stumbles around looking for the person who is hiding until the timer runs out.
Considering the archaic graphics that look like someone gave themselves five minutes
on MS Paint to make it and STILL gave up half-way through, it wasn't the easiest of games to play.
This is one of those games best saved for actually playing IN REAL LIFE, like frisbee,
or dog-walking, or whale-axing Wait, what?
Zombies!
Well, these days they're ubiquitous with all forms of modern entertainment.
They're blending themselves into interesting ways and other genres, such as drama, or comedy,
hell, they've even invaded a Jane Austen period drama.
It's a business that many take seriously, even going so far as to holding zombie auditions
for The Walking Dead!
Seriously, how do they even score points for this?
Sorry!
We're still detecting presence of life and a soul inside you.
Please go back to working retail for a few more weeks, and come back to us.
See you soon!
But one genre mix-up you definitely haven't seen, is:
Zombies, alien disease, and disembodied-head-of-ghost-samurai-named-Namakubi-going-on-vomit-rampage-to-destroy-buildings-and-save-survivors-falling-from-buildings.
This is Zombie Nation.
A 1990 NES game that also includes fighting an evil statue of liberty, and confuses as
much as it confounds.
I mean, why do you have to destroy the buildings during a zombie-alien apocalypse?
And if you're already a ghost, why do you give a fuck?
A case of the already-dead being jealous of the un-dead?
A who gives a shit, I'm going to shoot this plane down with eye-balls coming out of my
mouth for no reason.
Who needs to drop acid and go to a rave when you have Space Giraffe!
When you're not worrying that you're having a seizure, the aim of the game is to... shoot
stuff...
I guess?
I don't know - you're a weird pulsating piece of light, shooting pieces of light, at other
pieces of light, while the background is made of pulsating pieces of light.
Although the music does occasionally pause to make way for a cow-being-slaughtered sound
effect to indicate you've a power-up for surviving another sixty seconds without developing epilepsy.
Ah, the game that started as a joke but thanks to going viral became the real deal!
Likened to a skate-boarding style game, except you're a goat, and instead of doing tricks,
the main goal is to wander a sandbox-style environment and wreck stuff.
Using strategically placed trampolines to fling your cloven-hoofed avatar to... well...
just up...
I suppose.
In fact, I don't even think they're strategically placed at all!
The game creators admit to this being a broken and stupid game, and have kept the bugs in
intentionally to add to the humor of the situation.
Some critics have claimed that the game only garners its praise thanks to social media,
allowing a buggy and incomplete product to appear on the market.
But I don't think that those people get it, as being able to fling my long tongue on to
any item I choose and swing it around in an ever-widening circle to cause mayhem and panic
wins over the occasional graphics clipping.
And if nothing else, is a lot cheaper than anger management therapy.
Speaking for replacements for therapy, here we have yet another weird crazy Japanese one:
This surreal arcade experience puts you in the position of an angry father, who upon hearing some unwanted news
literally flips.
The game comes with a built-in table that you, unsurprisingly, flip at the perfect moment,
terrifying your on-screen family with a sudden outburst of furniture violence.
Who knew that a domestic-abuse simulator could be such stress relief!
Forget Resident Evil, THIS is the stuff of video game nightmares.
This virtual pet simulator was a huge hit in Japan.
Typical...
So it was released in The West, on the Dreamcast, even getting Spock himself - yes Leonard Nimoy
- to narrate.
Most illogical.
The aim of the game is to talk to Sea Man He he he, seamen
A talking fish-man hybrid, using the at-the-time revolutionary voice-recognition technology,
through the microphone peripheral, players would ask questions posed by the anthropomorphic
oddity on topics such as: The players' personal life, science, and even
politics.
Encouragingly, Seaman would soon get bored of you, stop talking to you, and would typically
tell the player to go away.
Great!
This has gone from a pet-simulator to my very own personal relationship-simulator.
WHY WON'T YOU LOVE MEEEEEH!
Okay, I'm gonna try and say this one correctly: Hatoful Boyfriend Pigeon High-School Dating Simulator.
No - I didn't just fluff up my lines.
I really did just say Pigeon High-School Dating Simulator.
This game is the mash-up of some hugely popular genres in Japan.
A dating-sim stroke visual-novel stroke must actually be having a stroke.
The title is a play on the English word "hateful" which is also a fucking big indicator as to
the emotions the following gameplay will cause to bubble up from inside you.
You play the only human student attending the St. PigeoNations Institute, which is - as
the name suggests - a school for pigeons.
Think Hogwarts with less magic and more fowl.
You engage in conversations with static images of birds that must have taken all of five
seconds to google search and paste into the game, flirting with them, and even getting
to solve a mystery, with persistent interruptions from male pigeons who just want to be your
boyfriend.
I'm laughing just thinking about this one.
Japan World Cup 3 starts off as a typical horse-racing game, but the Japanese being...
well... the Japanese, they couldn't leave well-enough alone.
They decided that horses on their own are just BORING.
I can imagine the creative design meetings that the game-makers had, asking: What can
I put into the game to make it more interesting?
A zebra!
A giraffe!
A walrus!
A yeti!
A whatever the hell that thing is!
No suggestion was too crazy, or as it appears, turned down.
It doesn't have to make sense, it just has to make you question what was in your breakfast
this morning.
So, have YOU ever wanted to be a middle-aged lecherous Japanese man, creeping up on young
girls when they're not looking in order to cop a feel?
Well then, you're in luck!
As The Houchi Play - yes...
Houchi - allows you to embrace your inner pervert, as you sneak up on the unaware girl,
staying still when she's looking your way so she doesn't suspect you sneaking up on her.
As, for some reason, her visual acuity is the same as a t-rex's.
Dotted along your path are bottles of booze, acting as liquid-courage power-ups to enable
you to complete your path to cop-a-feel heaven.
A totally abhorrent game that should not be endorsed by anyone.
Grab 'em by the--
Thanks for watching!
Please subscribe if you liked, and don't forget to let me know what you thought in the comments.
If you thought that there were any weird and wonderful gaming experiences that I should
have mentioned on the list, let me know!
Until then, I'll see you next time!
Through the microphone periph- Ugh, microphone per- per-iferf-fffffffuuu
Per-iff-err-all Peripheral
Try saying THAT five times fast.
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