YES – I – GOT IT. IT WAS A JOKE. STOP SENDING ME COMMENTS ABOUT IT.
Greetings everyone, SHINOBI-03 is here with another Dumbass Critic response video.
So, we already looked at a clipless review of a movie based on a franchise I'm a casual fan of.
Then, we looked at another clipless review of a movie based on a franchise I'm a huge fan of.
So, let's change things a bit here, and go back to his earlier days
before the Plot Hole messed his brain up and puked it out into whatever is currently wearing the Nostalgia Critic's skin.
As you may recall, The Lost World review was one of the first ones I saw from the Nostalgia Critic.
And back then, I thought it was funny and had some clever jokes, especially that at the time, I was starting to think it wasn't that great of a movie.
Of course, that was like, 5? 6 years ago? My opinion on The Lost World had changed and now I personally think it's pretty underrated
with plenty of good things that people tend to overlook and snark on the more negative and sillier sides of the movie.
"But wait" you say… "Didn't Those Dudes with A Hat already made their responses to his review?"
To that I say:
There's no rule that says I can't make my own response. Plus, Those Dudes With A Hat were doing it in a more comedic take on the matter.
I take it a bit more seriously, as shown when I kept unleashing my inner demons whenever Dumbass Critic makes a mistake or two.
With that said, does this Nostalgia Critic episode still hold up? After all, this was before the Nostalgia Critic transformed to the Dumbass Critic of today.
This was when he was still funny, and people actually liked his work.
This is when he was just talking in front of the wall, with no comedy sketch shows.
This was the time, when the Nostalgia Critic, was the Nostalgia Critic.
Let's dive in.
Okay… let's stop there for a bit and discuss why this sequel exists in the first place…
Hold on… can we really call it a "discussion" when it's just me talking to you?
I mean, a discussion means to trade thoughts and opinions with somebody else, and you can't really respond when this is a pre-recorded video…
What am I talking about again?
Oh yeah… The Lost World.
After the success of Jurassic Park, Michael Crichton was pressured by both fans and Steven Spielberg to make a sequel novel in order to get a sequel movie.
Before that though, there were some sequel stories made like Jurassic Park 2 the game as well as some comic storylines by Topps Comics.
One sequel idea was to focus on the missing embryo canister, which would be revisited years later in Telltale's Jurassic Park game from 2011.
But not one of them was the definitive sequel the people wanted at the time. They wanted a real sequel from the master author himself.
And that sequel was The Lost World.
It was sort of a remake of the original novel by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle,
which was about a group of explorers discovering an unknown land filled with dinosaurs and other ancient creatures,
that would also be made later to a movie. As in, one of the earliest dinosaur movies in history.
There were of course some issues regarding creating this novel for the purpose of adapting it to the big screen.
The most obvious one was retconning Ian Malcolm's death from the first novel since he was a fan favorite.
Also, John Hammond was killed while his movie counterpart was still alive, as well as the fact that the island was napalmed by the none-existing Costa Rican air force, so there was a lot to work with.
Also. Unlike the first movie that was close enough to the original novel, The Lost World movie was much looser and a lot different than the novel.
The basic plot of an expedition team going to the island to retrieve a missing friend of Malcolm while an evil company is stealing dinosaurs was pretty much the same,
but other circumstances and most importantly the characters were mostly changed.
The following characters: Richard Levine, Jack Thorne, Arby Benton, Howard King and George Baselton were not in the movie.
Sarah Harding, Eddie Carr and Kelly were present in the movie, but they played different roles and had different relationships from the finished movie,
but most importantly, Lewis Dodgson. You know, this guy?
He was completely absent, giving different dynamics than what it was originally planned by Michael Crichton.
Perhaps the most heartbreaking of all changes was the exclusion of the iconic Carnotaurus scene.
Crichton wrote that scene specifically to see how Spielberg would show the chameleon effects on the big screen,
but sadly it wasn't in the movie and Crichton passed away before he gets his wish fulfilled with the Indominus Rex in Jurassic World.
At least we had the arcade game to show us that.
The film production itself wasn't as smooth either, with plenty of missing scenes that helped developing the characters
and explains some of the plotholes that are only available via still shots and storyboard sketches.
And while some of them were lost from the movie itself, they are luckily still available in comic book format in the adaptation based on the earlier drafts of the movie and published by Topps Comics,
making it one of the rare cases where a comic adaptation is close to be better than the movie it was based on.
In short, the movie had some production and writing issues that depending on how you look at it, may or may not had damaged the final product.
I strongly disagree here. The effects in my opinion are better in this movie than the first one, as seen with the vast amount of dinosaur action in comparison to the first movie.
The CGI models are much improved and not to mention all the new dinosaurs that required new animatronics to be made.
Because there are still fans who want to see it of course. Duh!
What kind of boring childhood did YOU have? Children get excited when they see strange things they don't know all the time.
Behold… one of the rare moments where the Nostalgia Critic makes a joke that's actually pretty funny.
First: What comedians do you follow that do what you're describing?
Second: Have you seen real people reacting to horrible accidents in real life?
As in the time before the first thing they do is pulling out their smartphones and take videos of what they're seeing?
It is a weird moment, but quite clever editing, wasn't it?
We will get to this in a bit…
Oh no! It's a guy in a suit! He must be a villain!
Dude, I know you have a terrible memory, but how terrible is it to forget what you just said in the same sentence?!
They even say it in the exact same scene here!
And yes, Malcolm is the only one who spilled the beans, and look what happened to him
He lost his credentials, he lost his job, and he became a mockery to the public.
Grant and Sattler didn't want to risk their jobs and lives getting compromised by telling stories no one is going to believe,
as for the kids, well… they're kids. No one is going to take their words seriously.
This argument does not work because Malcolm was not aware of the death of Jophery and Nedry.
He was only aware about the people he already met there, and he didn't meet or knew about the other two.
This is one of the instances where it made more sense in the novel as opposed to the movie.
Originally Isla Nublar was destroyed in the first book in order to not risk having animals reaching the mainland, even though at that point it was pointless
since they had already reached the mainland and they bred and had their clashes with humans, like the compys eating babies and rotted raptor corpses found on the shore.
And as far as movie canon goes, I believe there was a deleted scene explaining the fate of the island being based on the novel, but it was removed so it left it ambiguous.
Ohoho… yeah, hehehe… let's get this topic straight right away…
Now, I know people like to do the Walken, the Schwarzenegger, the Stallone, the Weisou, and of course, the Goldblum.
But here's my issue here… when Critic does it, it feels less joking about his speech pattern and more like mocking it
to the point it reaches borderline bullying with each time he reviews a movie starring Jeff Goldblum.
It's as if he's implying that he's stupid because he can't speak like a normal human being, or at least what he thinks a human being should sound like.
This is me speaking as someone with apraxia of speech since childhood, who stutters and mumbles his words and can't get them out of his system the way he thinks of in his head in his everyday life,
you don't get it here because I edit my audio to make it less awkward, but I'm horrible at verbal speaking.
Because of it, I find all of his Jeff Goldblum jokes unfunny, and insulting to my intelligence level.
So, Douglas Darien Walker, here's what I got to say for you, for every time you mock Goldblum's way of speaking:
Fuck you.
Fuck you, you self-righteous, sanctimonious, condescending, elitist sack of garbage.
The inability to speak in your perfect human standards does not make us who live with that condition for the rest of our lives any less intelligent than you are or anybody else blessed by God with the gift of fluent speech capabilities.
Fuck you, who find pleasure in mocking those you feel lesser than you.
Fuck you and go burn in hell.
Sorry for the harsh language, but I left it uncensored to show how serious I am about that issue.
If you're curious to know, I was born with fluids blocking my ears at birth, and it wasn't noticed until later in my life when it was pointed out that I was supposed to be able to start making words.
Of course, that's one of the big changes from the novel.
In the second novel, Richard Levine went to Site B because he heard rumors about the island
and he wanted to study it before the authorities find out about it and reduce it to ashes the same as the first island.
It wasn't under orders by Hammond since he was already dead and not by any other character.
One dinosaur does not equal to "half of them".
Ehh, why are you talking like Hammond kidnapped Sarah? That's not how it went like.
Because she knows he would say "No"? Doesn't take a genius to figure that out.
Once again, I don't know what crowd you're hanging around with,
but I don't know how women would stay away from him after seeing his amazing nude show in The Fly.
HAH! Two players can play this game, buddy!
So yeah… Malcolm likes to get around… with some previous wives and kids here and there… kind of a dick move, don't you think?
She is smart enough to know if her parent doesn't punish her, then it's a sign that he's a terrible parent. It happens.
Either that or she's growing up to be a masochi-
no, I'm not that low to make such a joke.
Ooooor, he's well aware of how dangerous it is to shout at the top of his lungs since he knows what awaits him on this island.
Wait a minute… did Critic just use the word "Crap"…?
Aren't you supposed to say at least five F bombs, fire 10 rounds from your gun and make a masturbation joke while you're at it?
Who are you and when did the Dumbass Critic kill you?
Agree there… that scene was terribly handled, and you can't follow whatever they're saying.
The villains in the novel weren't from InGen, they were from their rival company: BioSyn.
I said "BioSyn", not Bison!
They are led by Lewis Dodgson. You know, this guy?
Also their plan was much simpler than Ludlow and InGen: Steal dinosaur eggs.
That's it. They weren't planning to make their own zoo, they wanted to clone and breed their own dinosaurs following the failure of Nedry on Nublar.
Speaking of which, when are we getting BioSyn and Dodgson in the movies?
It's been long overdue! Bring them back in Jurassic World 3 or we will be VERY disappointed!
Tembo wasn't in the novel either and instead there were two other characters:
Howard King and George Baselton who were more like Dieter Stark and Burke in the movie.
I don't want to hear that from YOU, Mister "I don't care what animal is this as long as I can make a joke out of it."
Glass houses, Critic… glass houses…
By the way, here's something that kept bothering about this scene.
Tembo appeared like he was trying to pronounce the name Corythosaurus and even describes it like it was a Corythosaurus.
But the dinosaur we see is a Parasaurolophus and his crest looks nothing like Elvis' pompadour unless he meant to say: "Reverse pompadour".
So, I have to ask: were they planning to have a Corythosaurus in this scene but replaced it with Parasaurolophus later on
after recording this scene thus the confusion regarding the line?
The comic adaptation did the same thing. Tembo says "Carinthosaur" but it's a Parasaurolophus.
Oh, by the way, I'm one of the few proud who can say "Parasaurolophus" with ease.
This argument doesn't work because the hunters are not catching the dangerous carnivores.
And while the protagonists' reaction scene isn't as on the nose as he presents it to be, animal cruelty is still frowned upon.
Yes, even when animals are caught alive for zoos, people still think manhandling them is not a good thing to do.
And that point isn't as on the nose either as shown in the comic adaptation where we see Dieter shocks the already unconscious dinosaur with his cattle prod for the evulz.
One more scene that gives some character to the villains that was cut from the final version.
Breaking Junior's leg was an accident caused by a drunk Ludlow.
Tembo wasn't planning to break it because he knows as hunter that it's a bad idea to even startle a baby animal when the parent is close by.
We will talk about this later on.
An explosion. That's what.
Yes. Nick Van Owen is a moron. More of that later.
Eight lines, huh?
Challenge accepted!
Eh, you get the idea.
This is one of things that bothers me the most about this review, but again, more details will be said later on.
That wasn't Jeff Goldblum, you idiot.
You would be surprised how strong plastic can get. Yes, it can be even stronger than glass.
Especially plastic doors. These are tough ones.
Yeah, one of the worst jokes in this movie. Like, seriously… who thought this was funny at this situation?
In comparison, Eddie went straight to them with the rope without question in the comic.
Well, there's your problem: that's a Mercedes, not a Jeep.
Well, yeah… they were just done killing the RV or so they thought,
heard a weird noise coming from the same place they just came from,
and they made the conclusion that they're still alive and came to finish the job for reals this time.
Plus, that area is now part of their new territory so of course they'll eat anything that gets there.
Movie physics are weird.
You're serious? Who the hell said the Tyrannosaurus was harmless? They didn't intend to catch the Tyrannosaurus because they know that was a stupid idea.
The only reason Tembo held Junior captive was to lure his father out he can hunt him, not to take it alive with the rest of the herbivores they caught earlier.
Man, you're an idiot!
Except the problem here is these aren't natural animals and mixing them with humans on the mainland is a bad idea.
Again, this plot made more sense in the novels when it was just the eggs.
My personal headcanon says that one is the one he shocked earlier in the movie and he came back for revenge.
Dude… this scene was one of the more memorable moments in the movie showcasing that even these harmless looking creatures are as deadly as the big ones.
And the problem is…? Eyesight and smelling are two different things…
You DID skip all your science classes, didn't you…
Ooh… finally pushed my Nerd Button. I was wondering if you're going to do that this time.
So… Why couldn't Roberta detect Grant and Lex in that scene? I can explain it:
As stated in the first movie, her eyesight detects things that move, right?
So obviously, she's having a hard time finding whatever made that sudden scream a moment ago.
The question then is why can't she smell them? I can explain that without the need of extensive dinosaur knowledge.
First: think of the current environment. They're in the middle of a tropical rainstorm.
Have you been in the middle of a tropical rainstorm lately? Rain makes this distinctive odor that only comes out when it's raining. You can smell the rain.
Therefore, it masks the scent of Grant and Lex. Roberta knows there is something, but the rain is making it hard for her to pick up their scent.
Add to that Lex was just having the worst mud bath in her life so in addition to the rain, she smells like dirt. As in actual dirt and mud.
And that's my nerdy explanation on why our good ol' Roberta T.Rex couldn't smell Grant and Lex in that scene. It's all thanks to the rain.
Oh, my, pushing my Nerd button twice in a row? Incredible!
Yeah, I can explain that even without the need to be a dinosaur nerd.
No, really. It's really simple when you pay attention.
In the first movie, Roberta was chasing the jeep in a smooth, wide open road that goes in a straight line.
In the second movie, the Doe is chasing the hunters in a rough, narrow area full of turns and twists that wouldn't allow her heavy body to build enough momentum to run at full speed.
In the first movie, Roberta had one single target to focus on.
In the second movie the Doe sees multiple preys and can't focus on one single target to chase.
That's why she is moving slower than usual. It doesn't take a rocket science to figure that out.
Oh wait, I forgot. You never went to science class.
What's with raptors and windows in these movies anyway?
Yes, it is as silly as it looks.
But...
Another animal trivia: Animals can get easily distracted when you make sudden loud noises and movements.
The gymnastics? Silly. The raptor getting distracted? Not implausible.
Remember when Roberta stopped tearing up the car when Alan yelled at her?
Or The Big One getting distracted by the falling stepladder instead of attacking?
No, don't worry, I'm telling you I'm saving it.
This is also considered one of the plotholes of this movie,
but some did make their own theories on how the Tyrannosaurus was locked again and more importantly
how he ate the crew of the bridge without destroying the place.
One thing is pointed out regarding this scene, is we never see the entire bridge.
We're not shown if there was a destroyed wall or a hole made by the Buck.
It'd be like this scene from Dino Crisis when the T Rex first shows up and moves away,
but instead of seeing this,
we see this. We don't see the broken window, but we know it's there.
And you know what? It was there as shown in the storyboard.
That was supposed to be an ironic callback to this moment
Yeah, it is too easy they let them go like that. Unless the guards heard of the situation and thought that was for the best, but really, we don't know.
Once again… a joke that's actually funny.
Though I don't know if I want to see that or Stallone's Terminator.
By the way, while we're on the part of the Buck's rampage, let me correct a very common mistake everybody makes.
If you've been to the movie's trivia pages or seen other reviewers, you might've heard them say this scene where we see the Japanese businessmen running is referencing Godzilla.
Okay, nothing wrong with this, but the mistake everybody is making is the claim them saying "I left Tokyo to get away from this".
I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but this is completely false.
I replayed this moment countless times and focused my hearing to pick what they're saying, but all they say are stuff like: "Run away", "I'm leaving" and the sort.
Not one of them mention Tokyo or Japan.
It doesn't even make sense when you think about it. Are monsters real in this universe? It feels out of place in a movie that takes itself seriously and fits more in a comedy.
I do however know where this line and the confusion came from.
You see… there was a Disney movie… it's called Inspector Gadget. In it, we get this scene:
And now you know where that random line came from.
As stated earlier, Hammond was not supposed to be evil…
unless you count Novel Hammond because he was a real jerk.
Nah, I still think it's a good movie, if not flawed due to rewrites, but it still holds up with amazing and memorable dinosaur action scenes.
Okay, I think we can finally get into this topic I kept holding back all this time.
If it wasn't clear, one of the things that bugs me about this review is Critic constantly blaming all our heroes
for everything bad that happened on the island, when in actuality, it was just Nick Van Owen.
All what Malcolm wanted to do was bring Sarah out of the island and that's it. He didn't care for Hammond's quest of documenting the wildlife.
Eddie Carr was just there as the technician.
And Kelly was a stowaway.
But Nick Van Owen was the one Hammond specifically asked to sabotage InGen's efforts in capturing the animals.
In the beginning of the movie we hear him say that he used to be in Greenpeace.
Greenpeace as we all know, is an environmental activist group.
But later on, Tembo recognizes him as part of Earth First.
Earth First is a real life extreme radical environmental group and they're considered a sell-out by mainstream environmental advocates.
They are known for their violent and destructive approaches to protect the environment which involves sabotage and destruction of private properties and in some cases direct assaults.
In short: they're the kind ready to murder people in the name of the environment. Eco-Terrosts.
And as we see in the movie, Owen's behavior did reflect that.
Ignoring his rescue of Junior because he felt sorry for the baby, everything else from freeing the dinosaurs and setting them loose on the hunters instead of letting them go at peace,
to sabotaging their vehicles and equipment, and of course taking Tembo's bullets when he wasn't looking.
Its's these actions that led many to believe that this movie was intended to be a commentary on these extremist activist groups.
Nick Van Owen sees his actions as in a heroic way and never considered the consequences on the lives of other people.
Hell, Tembo could've saved his people from the Tyrannosaurus couple and justified it with self-defense.
And this might shock some of you, but in the comic adaptation Malcolm was totally into killing the Tyrannosaurus.
And speaking of that scene, it tells us that even Owen thought that was a stupid idea that could've led to Sarah and Kelly's death.
You see a pattern here? If this comic adaptation really was based on the earlier scripts, then they did a huge disservice to the movie
by taking out all these little character building moment which led us to horribly flawed characters in a bad way.
Still, that doesn't change the fact that it was mainly Owen himself.
It's also bad that they don't show him after they get out of the island leaving many dissatisfied that he didn't get his comeuppance and didn't take responsibility to his actions,
and the last thing we see from him is this very subtle look of defeat when he realizes his efforts ended up in vain after witnessing the captured Buck.
But to say that he's the sole responsible wouldn't be fair either because Sarah Harding is also part of the blame for assisting him in the camp
and for the dumb idea of walking around with a blood-stained jacket that Tembo himself pointed it out to her,
and yet she didn't even think of getting rid of it until it was already too late when the Rex couple found them.
We were told that she's an excellent animal expert but what kind of expert would do such idiotic thing as walking around reeking of animal blood?
Are we sure she's even a real doctor?
And yet, Critic and many people take it as all of them are equally responsible and all of them deserve to die.
Also, it's hard to say there are no memorable characters when you have Roland Tembo
who many consider him the best character in the movie with many considering him their most favorite,
and even Roger Ebert himself said that Pete Postlethwaite was the best actor in the movie for giving the impression that he really was on an island with dinosaurs and not set pieces.
No matter how many attempts of the studio to paint him as the villain, he left a memorable impression on the audience.
Sure, keeping the deleted scenes would help making him more grey than black but it didn't matter anyway because he was that awesome.
Of course, he still had his weird moments,
like what kind of hunter would keep pointing the barrel of his shotgun up in the air where water and dirt can get in the barrel?
Or why would he leave the shotgun next to the strangers? Did he trust Sarah because he's a hunter and heard of her due to his background?
Or, why didn't he bring more shells to the expedition? Was he really counting in killing the Buck with two rounds? What if he missed? What if these two shots weren't enough to kill it?
Ironic that later you'd say the exact opposite in Jurassic World.
A bad sequel that once used to be the highest grossing film of all time until James Cameron came along with his sinking ship.
You know what else is a bad sign? When your audience remember the movie better than you do.
Except when you don't remember it as you think you are, so it's up to us the fans to correct your mistakes.
In all honesty, the review isn't really that bad. But it hasn't aged that well either.
As you saw in several moments, when the Critic jokes about the more absurd moments from the movie,
they work well because these moments are joke-worthy and many of them were really funny remarks, and that's where Critic's humor works best.
But he still falls under the mistake of not paying enough attention to the details and makes very weak arguments that don't work,
and the constant Goldblum insults and misinterpreting the character's motives do hurt the validity of this movie,
and that's ignoring all the behind the scene stuff and comparisons to the comic version.
So, while this is still the Nostalgia Critic before the sketches, it's still not as good, but not as horrible as the Jurassic World one.
Next time, we go back to the future and look at one of his Post-Revival era videos yet still before the Clipless era.
Where we tackle his review of my most favorite movie of all time: Jurassic Park.
I'll see you soon and take care everyone.
I WAS MAKING A SARCASTIC REMARK THERE! I KNOW WHO PETER CULLEN IS, SO STOP TELLING ME THAT!
READ THE COMMENTS BEFORE YOU MAKE YOUR OWN COMMENTS! PLEASE!
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