Waching daily Sep 27 2017

[♪♩INTRO]

Confidence can be an elusive elixir.

To quote Princess Leia, it often feels that "the more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the

more star systems—I mean confidence—will slip through your fingers."

So how do we gain confidence and prevent Alderaan from becoming a fiery ball of interstellar ash?

Yeah, that's a pretty loose metaphor, but you get my point.

Let's start by pinning down what confidence is.

Confidence is not arrogance or narcissism, which are both based on unrealistically positive

views of yourself, your skills, or ability to do, like, really complicated large jobs.

In fact, confidence is much more about seeing things as they actually are.

In Lifehacker parlance, "Confidence is knowing what you're good at, the value you provide,

and acting in a way that conveys that to others."

Or, as psychologists who study the topic put it, confidence is one part self-esteem, one

part optimism, and one part courage, all of which come into play when we respond to challenges.

Now, there's some sad news and there's some glad news.

Sad first: Research suggests that our level of confidence, like our level of happiness,

is partly based on factors outside of our control, such as genes or the social environment

in which we were raised.

But the glad news is that a SUBSTANTIAL amount of our confidence is completely under our

control.

And here are a few of the ways that we can optimize it.

Let's say you're heading into a job interview and want an extra confidence boost.

Studies show that, for everyone from athletes to astronauts, closing your eyes and vividly

imagining a successful outcome can boost your confidence and your ability to actualize that outcome.

You can also take a few minutes to strike what Dr. Amy Cuddy calls "power poses," physical

stances that might make us feel more empowered.

Replications of this original study have been inconclusive, so [indecisive sound], but if

it works for you, go for it!

Number three: Be all about that bass.

It's probably not that surprising that listening to uplifting music has been shown to elevate

mood and confidence.

But the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University conducted research indicating that

specifically listening to bass-heavy tunes has the power to make you feel more confident.

I like an excuse to pump the bass in my Honda Civic.

Fourth: A couple final quick fixes: Exercise.

Exercise leads to endorphin releases, which give us a helpful boost.

Also, think about dressing in clothes that make you feel powerful: It's much easier to

feel confident and capable when you feel like your outfit is put together, rather than thrown together.

[ding]

These tips are worth giving a try if you're in a jam, and if you can make them habitual

they might lead to lasting change.

Speaking of change, that's actually the topic of Tip Number Five.

In order to boost confidence, cultivate what author and Stanford psychology professor Carol

Dweck calls a "growth mindset."

Part of the reason people may lack confidence is their belief system about talents and abilities.

Many of us have the belief that you're either born with certain talents or you're not, and

there's not much you can do to change things.

Thus, when we encounter an activity that challenges us, we assume we've discovered "another thing

we're not good at."

Not only is this "fixed mindset" discouraging—it's also just not true.

Extensive neurological research has shown that having a "growth mindset" is a far more

realistic approach to how the brain actually works.

You should try to replace self-criticism with curiosity, because "talent" is something grown,

it's not just innate.

Through practice, especially what researchers call deep or deliberate practice, we are all

able to create new skills or profoundly improve abilities we already have.

Some links to articles and books about deep practice are in the doobly-doo.

One last thought is this: As you're working

on personal development, always be sure to break things down into small, achievable goals.

This helps you avoid the feeling of being completely overwhelmed by all of the things.

For more on this, be sure to check out our previous video on productivity.

Link below.

Number six: Make confidence building a daily habit.

Have an empowering morning routine where you plan and envision a successful day.

Read inspiring books, practice mindfulness, and spend some time with people who uplift

and believe in you.

We've said it before and we'll say it again: We are not meant to fight alone.

Finally, remember that you're not broken or alone for feeling unconfident.

We live in an era of cultivated personas, where social media tells us that everyone

else has it all figured out.

The truth, though, is that we're all stumbling down our own paths to adult-ness.

So be kind to others and yourself; don't be afraid to "practice failure," try new strategies,

and ask for advice.

As the great American psychologist Rocky Balboa once said, "It ain't about how hard you hit.

It's about how hard you can get hit and keep movin' forward.

That's how winning is done!"

So get out there, fellow stumblers, and keep movin' forward.

Let us know your methods for gaining confidence in the comments sections below—bonus points

for wrapping it into a Star Wars simile.

If you want to support us in making this sweet sweet adulting content, and you want to help

out this boogie fern right here—it's not a fern, it's a ficus, boogie ficus!—you

can help us at patreon.com/howtoadult.

And if you want to just see more of Rachel and me talking about this stuff you can go

to youtube.com/learnhowtoadult and subscribe.

Boogie Ficus.

It often feels that the more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems—I mean

confidence—will grip… through your grip.

[laughter]

Slip your grip!

This plant is having a good time.

[laughter] A-boogie boogie boogie, a-boogie boogie boogie!

This pot is, like, just wobbly.

Got a boogie tree—this is a boogie tree.

[laughter]

Can you see the boogie tree?

[off-screen] Oh yeah.

[off-screen] I can see it shake.

You can see a boogie.

[laughter]

[off-screen] Okay!

[off-screen] We have one minute to spare to get you out of here.

Oh really?