Waching daily Aug 31 2017

Here you are.

You're at Brown.

You made it.

Congratulations.

So I remember when I was a freshman there,

I was incredibly excited.

I was also playing it cool, but I was incredibly excited.

You know, I was excited to be at an American University,

I was excited to be at Brown.

And very early in my first year, my WPC--

maybe even the orientation week-- my WPC, who I loved,

we had a ton of conversations all the time, she asked me,

so are you excited to go partying?

I'm just like, oh my god, I'm excited to go partying.

And she's like, what's partying?

And I'm like, partying is when you go to a bunch of friends

somewhere and you dance for six hours

until you smell like pizza.

It's disgusting.

And they you kiss your boo underneath the stars

and then you go have a huge meal.

You come home at 2 AM.

You get home at 2 AM, your parents wake up

and they're just excited for you.

And they're excited for you because they

know that at the party there was kissing, there was dancing,

there was eating, and that was kind of it.

And she's like, how about substances?

I'm just like, there might have been substances there,

but people weren't really getting intoxicated.

And she was like, whoa.

That's going to be kind of different than what

you might find here.

And yeah, pretty soon, I learned that the word in English,

partying, that that word in American culture in the US

kind of means getting messed up on a substance

or on substances.

And that was really different.

And then I also saw that while intoxicated,

people were also hooking up while intoxicated.

And that was also really different.

And I think I've adapted to American culture in many ways,

but maybe this isn't one of them.

One way to think about it is this.

Like if you're on an amazing roller coaster,

OK, is it necessary to also be eating

like the juiciest, chocolatiest, most delicious crepe ever?

Like, do we really need to combine the two?

Or is the crepe amazing and the roller coaster

amazing in and of themselves?

And this question, maybe it's something you can ask yourself.

Like, do I need to combine the two?

And where do I stand on this topic, the topic of combining

substances with sexy time?

And, you know, sexy time is anything, from 0 to 100.

Sexy time means anything you like, right?

So one of the ways that you can prepare yourself for this

is to mentally prepare yourself for this.

Like, you can have conversations with yourself,

you can sort of analyze where do you stand in this topic?

And here's what it could look like.

You're getting dressed, you're getting

ready to go out to a party or a social situation

where there might be substances, where there might be sexy time.

And you can just have an agreement with yourself.

How intoxicated do I want to get?

On what substance?

Do I want to get with someone and how much?

Do I want to combine the two things or not?

And if I do want to combine the two things, standing here

in a clear state of mind, what do I honestly

think would be the safest bet for me

as to what I would like to happen without harming

myself or somebody else?

So it could be that you agree that like,

I'm going to have three drinks and I'm

going to make out with someone and then

I'm going to take off my shirt.

OK?

In the moment, if you want to play it safe, like the safest,

in the moment, even if the moment

is making you feel like you want to do more,

perhaps the safest bet would be to just stick

with the agreement you had made with yourself.

OK?

And if that evening ends and you go home

and you wake up the next day just like, you know what?

I actually could have done more and it would have been the best

decision and it would have been healthy

and it would have been safe.

And then you can just play it like that the next time.

And you can ebb and flow also in your expectations,

in your comfort level, in each situation

with each person, et cetera.

Now, the word expectation is interesting.

Expectation doesn't mean entitlement.

Expectation means hopefulness.

And where it really matters is this.

If two people are hooking up and one person

has an expectation of what they want

to occur in the realm of sexy time

that's greater than the other person's, it's

the person with the smallest expectation who wins the day.

That's the way to be the most safe

with yourself and the other person.

OK?

Now, let's say you're getting with a person you can't really

tell if they're giving you their full consent,

if they're genuinely excited for what's about to happen

or what is happening.

If you can't really tell that because you're not fully sober

or they're not fully sober or the communication just

isn't clear enough, you know what you can do?

Give me your Instagram.

Get the phone number.

You're going to be here for four years.

It's not that big of a university.

You will have other chances.

Life will give you other choices, right?

And maybe if you think about it this way,

you can just have a happy, safe time for four years.

Not just this week, not just this year, but for four years.

I mean, don't you think you deserve

to have a happy, safe time?

I think you do.

And to offer a happy, safe time to everybody else?

So right now, it's been a pleasure

doing this video for you.

I wish I could be there.

But right now, you're going to listen to some students,

some amazing students.

And they're going to tell you what substance use or partying

is like at Brown right now.