Back in the days before YouTube, there were only a couple of ways to know what any video
game was actually about.
You could borrow it from a kid at school, read about it in a magazine, or you had to
go against all conventional knowledge and judge the game by its cover.
Some video games have covers that are exciting works of art to entice you into the action,
while others were just confusing.
And some games have covers so bad that it's a miracle they sold any copies at all.
Here are a few of the worst video game covers of all time.
Mega Man
When it comes to terrible box art, the original Mega Man is the champion.
Even though Capcom pretty much revolutionized the run-and-gun genre with the series, the
first game's U.S. version has one of the ugliest packages of all time: a splay-legged, oddly
proportioned hero stands in a tropical wonderland, twisted gun at the ready, prepared for anything.
Nothing on the cover represents anything that happens in the game, and it gives off a distinct
"8th grade art project" vibe.
This Mega Man is so bad that he's actually become a running joke.
"Fat" or "Bad Box Art" Mega Man's most notable appearance is in Street Fighter x Tekken,
where he's depicted as an overweight, middle-aged man with a crooked helmet.
"I don't understand!"
He almost made an appearance in Mega Man Universe, too, before the game was canceled.
Either way, lopsided Mega Man is regarded as one of the worst mistakes in game art history,
and rightfully so.
Batman: Arkham City: Game of the Year Edition
Sure, Batman: Arkham City is a great game… and the folks at Warner Bros.
Interactive Entertainment really want you to know that.
After they plastered review scores and quotes all over Arkham City's "Game of the Year"
edition, there wasn't much room left for important details — like the game's title.
"I'm Batman."
On one hand, Batman's mug is all you really need to see to make an informed purchase.
On the other, it'd be nice to know what actually comes with this version of the game, especially
if you bought the bare-bones Arkham City game earlier.
Given just how much text is on Arkham City's cover, it's a little hard to figure out.
Palamedes
With apologies to publisher Taito, almost everything about Palamedes is hot trash.
You're not getting a great start when your game is about playing dice, but depicting
a series of sentient dice curbstomping a player in front of a creepy, baby-blue background
is no way to entice anyone into your sad, sad game.
Sure, Taito gets bonus points for trying to make a dice game look like it's exciting and
not being afraid to get a little weird, but it quickly loses every point earned by putting
the game's instructions on the cart itself.
You know, the cart that's immediately trapped in the unviewable, hot darkness of the NES
once you plug it in.
It may be a slightly interesting puzzle game, but everything about it is ugly.
Karnaaj Rally
Nobody knows why Jaleco Entertainment decided to take a picture of a bargain basement Zoolander
impersonator and put him in front of a blurry pink hot rod for the cover of Karnaaj Rally.
Nobody's quite sure what "Karnaaj" means, either, though it's probably just an edgy
take on "carnage."
Either way, Karnaaj Rally's box art isn't just terrible — it actually hurt the game's
review scores.
IGN, which really liked the game, leads its Karnaaj Rally review by warning players to
"look past [the] game's box art and name" and enjoy the chaotic, violent racing title
inside.
With box art like Karnaaj's, that's a lot to ask.
Mr. Gimmick
Once again, the US gets shafted when it comes to a great video game.
When it came to the limited processing power of the Famicom, the Japanese version of Mr.
Gimmick broke through barriers in both programming and music.
Basically, it's a Super NES game crammed into a Nintendo cart.
Not only did the release of Mr. Gimmick outside Japan never hit the states, but it was also
incompatible with American NES systems due to the fact that it was only formally released
in PAL format.
The game's elaborate soundtrack was simplified, which is a unique crime against gaming, but
worst of all, the game's adorable protagonist, Yumetaro, was absolutely destroyed for the
non-Japanese release.
Instead of being depicted as a lovable, horned ball, the Nintendo Yumetaro is a screaming,
dead-eyed, distorted ball of terror escaping a formless vortex.
As far as video game heroes go, this Mr. Gimmick seems more prepared for the sweet release
of the grave than an adventure.
Eliminator Boat Duel
You're a super cool boat owner who's just tripped on the world's most intense acid.
Your goal is to make your way through an aquatic, psychedelic dreamscape without killing yourself
or your glamorous, bikini'd passenger.
Oh, and there's an occasional lake shark.
At least that's what the technicolor disaster that is the cover of Eliminator Boat Duel
wants you to think, with its weird mix of photography, illustration, and bizarre rainbow
filters.
Instead, you're just a jerk on a boat, trying to drive your boat faster than other boat
jerks, and in the end, you get the pretty, blonde girl as your trophy.
It's standard racing fare, but the game's nightmarish cover is a visual abomination
by any account.
Dynamite Duke
He's a blond super-soldier with a mechanical arm.
Badass, right?
Except Dynamite Duke's US SEGA box art stars someone's weird uncle in the laziest "army"
cosplay you'll ever see.
You know Duke Rippem is in the military because he wears a camouflage jacket.
You know he's in special ops because he wears a beret and eye black.
And you know he means business because he holds a gun and looks very, very sad.
Maybe he's just disappointed that Dynamite Duke isn't a very good game.
Maybe he's unhappy because, according to Dynamite Duke's manual, the hole in the ozone layer
has gotten so big that UV rays are frying U.S. citizens left and right.
Or maybe it's because there's a much cooler cover out there.
At least the game isn't as somber as its cover.
It's full of action.
You know that because it says so right in the corner.
Thanks, Sega!
Dangerous Streets
A word of warning to the pubescent boys who seem to be Dangerous Streets' target audience:
bodies don't work that way.
Sorry, kids.
Dangerous Streets and Rob Liefeld are lying to you.
On the other hand, the game's cover art isn't too far off from the deranged display of human
anatomy showcased in the gameplay itself.
If you do get your jollies through impossible mid-'90s comic book bodies, Dangerous Streets
is the game for you, featuring female fighters decked out in clothes that only kind of cover
them.
Questionable racial stereotypes show up, too, so while Dangerous Streets is bad in a whole
lot of ways, at least the terrible cover accurately portrays the game inside.
That's not much, but it's something.
Every game by Phoenix Games
For bad box art connoisseurs, Phoenix Games' library is the ultimate treasure trove of
gloriously terrible covers, and apparently, the games themselves aren't much better.
London Cab Challenge is just Crazy Taxi without a solid soundtrack… or any other redeeming
features.
In White Van Racer, you drive a white van in some races.
Why a white van?
You'll never know.
And then there are also Phoenix's titles which shamelessly rip off classic Disney films,
like the classic Snow White and the 7 Clever Boys, which is like Disney's hand-drawn masterpiece,
but as seen through the eyes of someone who's never made a 3D model before.
Phoenix Games filed for bankruptcy in 2009, robbing the world of future masterpieces.
Alas.
At least we'll always have Adventures of Pinocchio, Paccie, and Dalmatians 2, 3, AND the especially
horrifying Dalmatians 4 to remember them by.
Ninja Golf
If you know anything at all about golf, you might notice a few things wrong with Ninja
Golf's cover.
For one, it's not a game you play at night.
For another, both katanas and nunchucks fall outside of the United States Golf Association's
rules about what you can and can't use as a golf club.
But golf is also pretty boring.
Usually.
At least with ninjas, there'll be some action.
Believe it or not, Ninja Golf's box art is only half as weird as the game it represents.
In this Atari game, players hit their ball toward the hole.
You know, like in normal golf.
Then, while they're traveling to the ball to set up their next shot, they have to fight
off the enemies along the way.
If the ball is stuck in a sand trap, the player will battle snakes.
If the ball is underwater, they'll encounter sharks.
Say what you will about Ninja Golf, it's almost definitely better than actual golf.
Maybe this isn't even a bad video game cover.
Maybe it's the best video game cover of all time.
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