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what should you do?
Stay tuned. This is Damon Cart with NLP Gym
what should I do with my career my
relationship with my life in general if
you haven't already please click
subscribe to this YouTube channel so you
can get these videos on a regular basis
plenty of people have probably given you
plenty of unsolicited advice about what
you should do with your relationship
your career and your life in general
when you were a child you were told
exactly what you should do and what you
should not do so that by the time you're
a young at all you are lacking in your
own personal experience because you're
very young but you have a lot of
information in there about all the
things you should do all the things you
must do all the things you have to do
all the things you should not do it can
be hard to know even with is that you
want personally because you've been told
so much about what you should want and
when you should not want and because
you're lacking that experience to
connect that to you have your own once
but with that lack of experience you
don't know if that's what you actually
want you can only sort of fantasize are
imagine what is getting what you want
and then through that somehow navigating
all the all the shoes and should not so
what you've been told and what you've
been taught the result of all of this is
we typically doubt what it is that we
want
by the time we're young adult we doubt
our heart we may even worry about what
it would be like to take a chance on
where is that we want but we fear all
those things don't work out we screw up
we fail we fear although should coming
back and beating us up and being totally
humiliated because
head and told that's not what we should
want so acting on that and failing on
that all things not working out
I can be a very scary thing in NLP words
like need to have two should not must
these are all we called modal operators
this comes from the very first
NLP model called the meta model and
with modal operators indicated if
you're using this in your own language
for you hear someone else using it in
their language this is a limitation
there you are the other person is
exposing a limitation and your map of
reality
the other thing that is an indication of
information that you took from from
being parented and in a sense when we
were growing up and we started using
these words we sort of splitting our self
into two and parenting ourselves so we're
both parent and child and what this does
is it creates it creates a divide and
this is not the place where you want to
make decisions and choices from you want
to make decisions and choices from a
place of wholeness of congruence and
connectedness you want me to come from a
place of wholeness connection and
congruence not this divide of a parent
and a child and i'm going back and
forth on trying to decide what's right
for me
so what should you do if you follow your
heart and try something you take an
action you take a step into something
and you fail or it doesn't work out well
first know that this isn't normal
nobody succeed at everything that they
do you know what you might realize is
you did wasn't exactly what he thought
it was maybe you realize that it's not
for you which you thought your heart was
saying what you thought your heart wine
and reality once you tried it
that's not actually what you want and
that's ok then you can try you can go
back to what you were doing before maybe
the other thing that you realize is that
you just need a different strategy that
when you start going to work to get what
you want didn't work you still want what
you want it's just the strategy you use
to get that didn't work out so you just
change strategies the other wonderful
thing that
you can learn is that maybe that just
wasn't right for you and but in doing
that and failing and you realize there's
something completely different that you
want now that in failing at that made
you realize that you need to go a
different direction
I've had this out and so many times in
my life basically look at it like this
you can't lose
it's not really failing if you learn
something learning something and
real-life experience not just something
you learn in a classroom is priceless
if you don't try to if you don't get out
there and try things and failing that
different ventures how are you ever
going to know what you truly want what
you truly what you think you want to
stay at all inside of here
you need to bring it out into the world
world by taking some risk by getting out
there and trying things if you only
stick to the should or should not have
to that need to the must if you only
stick to these things
the boundaries of your map of reality
that was handed to you by adults that
you were growing up with your parents
teachers society when have you you were
going to live very limited life of very
limited experiences you will have many
unfulfilled desires and your potential
will go unfulfilled this to me has been
the ultimate suffering that I've
experienced in my life can't speak for
other people but i can actually not
going to be for a lot of people by not
getting out there and doing what i
wanted to order these trying are
following my desires following my heart
that has been that the result of that
has been the most intense suffering that
I've ever experienced sure it doesn't
feel good to fill it does not feel good
go out there to do something and it
doesn't work out but that's just really
temporary and the learning that comes
from that it revitalizes me so when I go
out there and do something feel that it
okay yeah it's a temporary
disappointment as a temporary setback
but nothing is more powerful and intense
of suffering the unfulfilled desires
unfulfilled potential and worst of all
regret because you can't go back and do
something over again what you're going
to find that you regret the older you
get this has been my experience the
older I get a little the fewer things
are in threat that i did and more things
I regret that I didn't do is you're not
going to regret so much two things that
you did unless you did something really
really horrible and purposely so the
things that you're going to regret or
not the screw-ups you're going to regret
failure so much you're going to regret
not trying
so how do you counter modal operators
well if you catch yourself thinking this
way he catches up thinking I should do
this I shouldn't do that I need to do
this I need to do that or lust or I have
to challenge that by saying what if so
if i say to myself well I should go and
follow my parents want me to do my
career
ask yourself what if he didn't what if
you did something else
what if you did what you wanted to do so
use your imagination to get outside of
those boundaries
oh I you know and I need to be it on a
long-term relationship right now I need
to get married
what if he didn't you know what if you
travel the world instead and then come
back and see about getting married
you know just ask the question what if
what would it be like if you did
something different what it would be
like if you didn't do the thing that you
feel like you need to do what you have
to do is start thinking in terms of
possibility
modal operators indicate limitation you
counter that by using a wonder which
this is more possibility so instead of
instead of thinking in terms of
limitation train your mind to think in
terms of possibility
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