Welcome to Art That Plays and Prays.
I'm Ginger and I'm glad you're here.
We'll do mixed media art journaling today, and my theme is, "Beauty in the Shadows."
In picking this title, I'm making references to our spiritual journey.
There are times when life is too dark and difficult.
We feel alone.
We can't make sense of our pain and we wonder, "Oh God, what's the point in living?"
I'm taking a bold step today by sharing something very personal.
I know I'll make myself vulnerable by doing this.
But I'll be honest with my pain because I want to come alongside some of you who may
be suffering in a similar way.
Hopefully, with my life story, I can show you that we can keep going.
We can survive even if we're still waiting in the darkest valley.
Before I gush with emotion here, let me say a few things.
I prepped this page with super heavy gesso to make my journal bumpy.
I want to create layers of texture using stencils, inks, and stains.
I'll be using Caran D'Ache Neocolor pastels, which are my go-to paints for most of my art.
For a complete list of materials, check my description box below this video.
I've got details written down there.
Okay.
So.
Let me start my story.
Decades ago, the Lord asked me, "Ginger, will you continue loving me even if you don't
get what you want?"
I was surprised by that question, probably as surprised as Simon Peter in the bible when
Jesus asked him, "Do you love me?"
Back then, I was in an emotional high with my relationship with God.
We were in some sort of a honeymoon stage, so I said, "Of course, Lord.
I love you.
Why would you even ask me that?"
Shortly after, I had two miscarriages.
My husband and I waited years to have a baby, but we lost two babies.
Two, not one, one after the other.
A couple of years later, God called my family to migrate to a totally alien country.
We gave up our brand-new, custom-designed home.
I gave up my high-profile career and all the status that went into my position.
So from being rich and comfortable, we became dirt poor.
Really poor.
From being a respected senior executive in the banking industry, like people were listening
to my every word and following my advice, I became a nobody and I just scrubbed toilets
and washed tons of laundry at home, with no income, no recognition at all.
We went from fancy dining and high-end traveling to falling in line in the food bank.
We received dozens of expired food.
We got rotten vegetables which I had to scrape one by one, just to see which parts of the
food are still okay to cook.
We got donations of diapers, 20 pieces a week which I had to scrimp between my two babies
who arrived 7 years after my miscarriage.
Life was difficult because when we landed in Canada, we couldn't find work.
No one wanted to give us a chance.
They said we had no Canadian experience and no one was willing to take the risk and give
us Canadian experience.
Well needless to say, life was tough.
I cried every night.
I wondered why God abandoned us, why He uprooted us only to make us die here.
We rented an apartment that had molds everywhere and we were getting sick.
My babies were getting sick.
But we couldn't move out because we had no money.
Then God said, "Do you still love me?"
Honestly, I struggled in answering that.
I wasn't as quick in saying "yes" as I did ten years before.
But I said, "Yes, Lord.
I love you."
Then God said, "Then let me empty you.
Let me bring you to the wilderness."
Well, when that message was impressed in my heart during prayer, I was like, "Am I not
empty yet?
I have nothing left anymore?"
Yet, the Lord made it clear to me, "No, Ginger.
You're not empty yet."
So years passed, we managed to adjust to life in Canada.
I still couldn't find work.
My husband was making minimum wage which was a stretch for a family of five.
No matter how I tried, I couldn't find work.
I got rejection after rejection.
I started to doubt myself.
You know, I have the IQ of a genius, but in the face of employers, I wasn't good enough.
I knew God put a stronghold in my life and closed every door of opportunity.
When I asked Him why, He only said, "Don't pry open doors that I have kept shut."
In the decades, for many years, I was unemployed, I couldn't find my purpose.
I called it my crisis of uselessness.
I felt like I was living in the shadows.
Friends started criticizing me.
I knew they meant well, but their words stung.
Words like, "you're wasting your talent," "Ginger, just get a job and don't be picky."
They'd say stuff like, "No one can survive on a single income.
You have to think of your kids' future."
And I had nothing to say about those comments.
I agreed with them a hundred percent.
But what could I do?
God set me aside for a reason, which up to this day, honestly, I'm still trying to
figure it out.
While this was going on, my family found a community of believers, people who loved and
served the Lord with such passion and zeal.
It was there that we found support.
We worshipped the Lord with them.
My husband and I served in different capacities.
At one point, I became head of the music ministry and I took care of planning the worship during
gatherings.
While in leadership, I always invited the Holy Spirit to guide me so that our music,
our playing of the instruments, our singing would always reflect the glory of God.
And it's been that way.
However, it didn't take long before God removed that service from me.
He said that in every act of service, no matter how God-centered we are, there's still that
tiny speck of pride embedded in us.
There's this tinge of self-glorification.
Each time someone came up to me and said, "Ginger, the music was so good.
You played the keyboard so well," or sometimes the person would say, "Wow, the worship
was so powerful.
The singing moved me to tears" … you know what?
That still made me proud.
Inside, yes, I praised God.
But somewhere in me, somewhere hidden within myself that I didn't even know until God
revealed it … there was pride.
I enjoyed the attention I received.
So God took away my job.
And I had no service for five years afterwards.
Like nothing.
I felt invisible.
I felt underutilized and incapable.
I was not enough.
I volunteered many times, but people around me, the leaders always considered someone better.
You know, it was painful to be overlooked, and even more painful to be doubted.
Some of my friends whispered behind my back and asked among themselves, "Do you think
Ginger can handle it if we gave her service?"
One time, I was supposed to play the keyboard during an important event, but the organizer
backed out and told me, "Well Ginger, we decided to just play the CD as background music.
It's okay if you don't serve anymore."
You know when he said that, that hurt me.
I was part of a team that was mobilized to serve.
But the rest of the team continued with their assignments.
But I was singled out because my skill, apparently, was replaceable with a CD.
This was just one of many instances when I experienced rejection.
There were many more, many other times of betrayal when the people I trusted with my
deepest secrets used my vulnerability as ammunition against me.
There were people who gossiped in my absence and ended up hurting me.
I tell you, the worst kind of pain is the one inflicted by people you love.
The hardest punch, the most brutal blow you can ever receive, is the one given by people
you trust the most.
Well one night, the Lord asked me again, "Ginger, do you still love me?"
You know, I couldn't answer that.
To be honest, I couldn't bring myself to say yes.
And then God said, "Embrace the gift of emptiness."
And I argued, "Am I not empty yet?
I'm already invisible, Lord.
So many have passed judgment against me.
How much more can I take?
I'm already on the ground, Lord.
People have stepped on me, and I didn't say a word.
So how much lower can I go?"
And you know what the Lord said?
"You can go lower.
Ginger, you can go lower."
That night, I just cried.
I kept crying days later until I had no more tears.
God said that for me to be truly empty, I had to let go of my desire to vindicate myself.
Because the truth is, I wanted to confront each one of my enemies and tell them they
were wrong.
I wanted to assert my innocence and explain my side so I wouldn't be misunderstood.
I wanted them to apologize.
But none of them did.
In my darkest moments, when I was alone in the shadows, no friends, with no identity,
no money, no purpose, nothing in my brag sheets, the Lord came and said, "Ginger, you're
truly empty if you accept the pain humbly.
Get rid of that desire to prove yourself right.
Even when your enemies gloat over you, let it be.
Meekness ... it's not weakness.
It is strength under control.
Meekness is the ability to see beyond your present circumstances, to look past your self-worth,
because God's glory matters more.
God's glory, not your self, but God."
Now, friends, why am I sharing this story?
I'm going to take a blind leap of faith and take the risk by saying, God wants you
to hear this message.
That's why you're here.
He wants to tell you personally, there's beauty in your shadow.
When God brings you to a dark place in your life, when He brings you to a place of emptiness
and brokenness, or a place of abandonment where people are too indifferent to care,
it's because He's building something beautiful inside of you.
You know, in my story, He was teaching me humility.
He was teaching me forgiveness and forbearance.
He taught me compassion and gave me the heart to reach out to another broken person.
Because the truth is, only broken people can minister to other broken people.
When others can't understand you, when people ridicule you, it's because they haven't
suffered enough.
Really.
Life must have been too good for them.
They are not broken enough to sympathize.
But we who are broken, we can stand in the gap for someone who is hurting too, because
we understand what pain feels like.
So you see, all of these beautiful nuggets of wisdom, I couldn't have learned them
without going through my tough seasons.
God gave me these gems, only in the dark valleys of my journey.
Friends, that's what our creative worship is about today.
There's beauty in the shadows.
I encourage you to find beauty in your suffering.
There's something colorful and sparkling even among the blackness.
There's something great God is doing in your life, even if you don't see it yet.
So if today you are broken, believe that you are in a good place.
Thanks, friends, for joining me in another episode of Art That Plays and Prays.
This is Ginger, your host.
See you again next time.
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