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There's a pretty great German word: Schadenfreude.
"No I do not know what schadenfreude is.
Please tell me because I'm dying to know."
"It's a German term for shameful joy, taking pleasure in the suffering of others."
It's sorta like when you laugh after watching Chris Farley fall on a coffee table in an
old SNL sketch...or when you watch a filmmaker fail spectacularly at crafting a movie they
thought was just the best.
Here's a look at the unintentional comedy gold created by movies so terrible they came
out the other side and became awesome.
Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare
Jon Mikl Thor is a former Canadian bodybuilder-turned-rocker.
In the late 1980s, he unwisely decided to add acting to his resume, and he starred in
a few low-budget horror movies.
Most notably among them: the ironically titled Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare.
In it, Thor and his band sequester at a remote cabin near Toronto to practice their tunes.
The only problem: the cabin is… haunted?
Possessed?
Well, something is going on.
If you love cheesy KISS-inspired rock music and not-so-special special effects…
(Ozzy Osbourne-inspired alien dialogue)
...then Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare is for you.
And the final showdown with a rubber devil has to be seen to be believed.
(epic fight scene)
Wow.
Birdemic
Former software salesman-turned-filmmaker James Nguyen is a huge fan of Alfred Hitchcock.
He's such a fan, in fact, he decided to essentially remake Hitchcock's The Birds on a shoestring
budget.
The resulting effort, Birdemic, is incompetent on just about every level.
The lead actors are so wooden, they may very well be robots trying to mimic human emotions.
"Meet Natalie, a beauty young fashion model, driven by PASSION."
"I remember you now, you were in my English class."
"I was."
"Yeah."
The killer birds themselves fare little better, as they're essentially animated GIFs superimposed
on the screen.
For some reason, these birds also explode, spew corrosive vomit, and sound like fighter
planes from World War II.
Truly, Birdemic is so bad, it's almost art.
Sleepwalkers
This mess is based on an unpublished short story by horror legend Stephen King, and after
watching the movie, it isn't hard to understand why the story never got published.
The Sleepwalkers are a mother and son team, who are also shape-shifting cat-people who
are virtually immortal, but must feed upon the souls of virgins to survive.
(we're not making this up)
Also, the bites and scratches of normal cats are toxic to the sleepwalkers.
In fact, domestic house cats actively hunt them.
"What the f---!"
The whole movie is just brilliantly insane, including how the director somehow pulled
cameos from high-profile actors like Ron Perlman and Mark Hamill, and horror author Clive Barker.
King himself even makes an appearance.
Maybe that was his penance for writing this thing in the first place.
The Uninvited
Want more terrible cats?
"Hell no."
Well, too bad, because The Uninvited is giving you some anyway.
The villain is seemingly a zombie cat that lives inside another, normal cat — a large,
orange tabby.
The Garfield-wearing monstrosity escapes from a government lab, and winds up on a boat heading
toward the Cayman Islands.
"That thing's gonna find us, and we're all gonna die a horrible…"
(mutant Garfield roar)
In true horror movie tradition, the boat is filled with dumb teenagers — and Oscar winner
George Kennedy! — who the poisonous cat picks off one-by-one before the showdown to
end all showdowns.
"Did it bite you?"
"No thank god, I think I'm okay!"
"Good!"
"No, Rachel, it's not over yet!"
(mutant Garfield roars again)
Miami Connection
Y.K. Kim is a motivational speaker and founder of a taekwondo school in Orlando, Florida.
In the late 1980s, he tried to add to this success with a martial arts film, called Miami
Connection.
He didn't succeed.
Not even close.
"My father?
My father.
I found my father!
Oh my gawddd!"
The movie is about a group of black-belt martial artists who play in a band called Dragon Sound.
In between gigging at clubs around central Florida, studying for their college exams,
and hanging out at the beach, Dragon Sound also must defeat gangs of villainous bikers
and ninjas from Miami.
Because… reasons.
(Hulk Hogan impression)
Starcrash
Everyone wanted to ape the success of Star Wars after it broke box office records in
1977.
One of the first — and worst — attempts was the Italian-produced sci-fi flick, Starcrash.
If you ever wanted to see David Hasselhoff fight off killer robots with a copyright-infringing
lightsaber, then you've found the right movie.
Despite the atrocious dubbing and equally bad special effects, the film's most amusing
aspect has to be watching Oscar-winner Christopher Plummer embarrass himself as The Emperor.
"In the space of three minutes, every molecule on this planet will be immobilized.
But after the third minute, the green ray loses its power.
Time will flow once again, and everything will explode."
The Room
Of course, no list of amazingly terrible movies would ever be complete without The Room.
Director Tommy Wiseau's legendary incompetence turns this movie from a drama into a full-fledged
comedy.
Wiseau wrote, financed, and starred in the film as Johnny, whose life is seemingly great
until he discovers his fiancee Lisa is cheating on him with his best friend Mark.
It sounds like a pedestrian drama, but it turns totally ludicrous through bad acting,
nonsensical scenes, and the best-worst dialogue ever spoken aloud.
"Do you want me to order a pizza?"
"Whatever I don't care."
"I already ordered a pizza."
"You think about everything."
Then of course there are the subplots that go nowhere, and three excruciating sex scenes.
It's no wonder this is considered by many to be the worst film ever made.
(when Lisa is tearing you apart, you tear The Room apart)
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