Hi, I'm Jordan, let's December I am gonna be a 36 years old.
That's right, December 22nd. I'm gonna be 36 years old. It blows my mind.
And what's more I don't want to continue going on the path that I'm going on
I've
always really loved the fashion and beauty world and I've always wanted to be a
fashion and beauty blogger here on Youtube.
Lucky for me. I have the support of my best friend Dani, but there's one thing that that's stopping me, and (dramatic pause),
That's
304
When I decided to open up and become vulnerable
here on YouTube. I didn't realize I talked about more than following my dreams of wanting to be a fashion
blogger and a beauty guru. I
guess this week has been more about following my dreams and losing weight and just discovering myself
music plays.
more music.(plays while cooking, words are mumbled, sorry.)
Hi, I don't know if you guys can hear me sorry the lighting is really crap, but I (check to see if monitor is on)
Didn't want to actually make this video, there's that.
Yesterday, I was really fired to make the video. (Checks camera again, light isn't on)
But the more that I edited and umm, (that word needs to retire, sorry)
Set up my channel the more unsure I became because the thought process I went in my head was
what if a
million people see this. I know like I
have no small dreamer,
so I was like if what if a million people see this and they also see how fat you let yourself get
and then you've start to get those really nasty hate comments.
Because me think that.... me asking myself, how did I let myself get this big , this fat or whatever?
it's coming from a place of
trying to understand so I don't let it happen again. Let's say I lose weight
which I've done but I've never had to do lose...well I've had to lose a significant amount of weight (Before I allowed myself to get fatter it was 60 pounds, now it's 144 to clarify)
I've never done it, but..I've lose 40 pounds before and
That kind of just happened I did a little bit of work, but it kind of just happened but
There's only been two times in my life that I've claimed losing weight(where I've actually tried)
I'm going to lose weight. I said it but I haven't done anything about you know
You know how that happens, you know, you say you're gonna lose weight, but you don't actually do anything
Which I was really worried
That's if that happen that people
Would judge me for that
I just worried about other people
So I didn't want to put another one out (video)and I actually wanted to take the one I had out
down and I thought oh honey. It's only day two. (laughs neverously)
And, there's 30 days and you actually...(I can't speak the English) your goal is actually to vlog a year
And you want to stop at day two?
Okay, sweetheart
So
To make myself feel better as you do
You go on social media
Now I only have one actual friend anything ooh, sorry about that
Anyone else I say is the friend or anything just know that I don't really know them. They're virtual friend
so I
was talking with a friend and
they were like, um
Have you what did she say... well... I'm not gonna quote her actually that's stupid. She was asking if I've seen Leo's
new video touch and sketch and I was like I have no idea who Leo is (chews food)
She ws all I thought you were into kpop when I was like, oh no I
Haven't seen kpop I haven't listen to kpop since um since
Miss A and I randomly stumbled across I Don't Need A Man and then umm...
So then another video I randomly stumbled across was trouble and I also I randomly stumble across videos
because I like oh, I typically like music so
Sometimes when I'm just in the mood to hear something different and something not like that's
everybody was listening to; go in the grocery store hear the same song; go the Starbucks same song
so, I (laughs at crazy self)
Just randomly look for different music. So I stumbled across those two videos and by the time I stumbled across them
well the Miss A one they were already disband (and had been for two months) so
I did....umm. I'm....
Okay, I'm a K- drama lover I've loved K-Drama since Lee Min Ho looked
like
You know what? You know, since Lee Min Hoo's Gu Jun-Pyo, like I've always loved it
And um
Plus I believe that it's part of my actual culture. I'm not really sure because I don't who my dad is...but the person that....
But you know what that's kind of depressing let's not talk about that
But I did check out the song it
Was real good then I saw the group that he (Leo) was part of what is it? VIXX I
Think that's what it's called
OH my Gosh, they have this whole like
dark and light side
but all of their songs
That are on the
Darker side I really like but there's this one so song. I think it's called beautiful liar and
like
Or is it cowardly liar I dont really know
My Korean is not that great
But I know part of the words he says is that he's a cowardly Liar
so
Hmm is it could be called Cowardly Liar? No, no. No, it's called Beautiful liar, I think
Because he is trying to convince himself..if my translation is right. He is trying to convince himself that
He's like letting go of this girl
Because of her and you know like how much he loves when honestly it's not that at all
That was so good, yep I like that.
That was really interesting (I'm talking about the video and the whole inner struggle they showed in it. If you haven't heard of this group watch this video)
Okay, I'm kind of getting full so maybe this will be a
Sort a slightly, maybe it'll be a sort of slightly
Mini mukbang, um, so um
She says she's kind of getting full and takes another bite. If I just drink water I'll be full
Don't do this to yourself
Let's wrap that up so we don't eat any more
I have to cut you off right here cos I'm not wearing pants cos I just don't want to okay
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