Howdy do there partner. We's just
about to get into a little Bible Bonanza
action.
Strap yourself in because today we'll be
covering The Book of Genesis, Chapter 5.
This is the book of the generations of
our main man Adam. In the day when God
made man, he made him in the image of God;
schlong and all. Male and female he crafted
them each very fwucking carefully and
with the utmost attention to artistic
details such as the useless appendix. The
Lord named them Man, and gave them his
blessing on the day when they were made.
Get this, homeboy Adam had been living
for fwucking a hundred and thirty years
when he had a son like himself, after his
image, and gave him the name of Seth. Kinda
makes you wonder when guys hit
puberty back then eh buddy?
Jeepers! What's even more astonishing is
that after the birth of Seth, Adam went on
living for eight hundred years, and had sons and
daughters due to regular unprotected sex
with super smokin hottie Eve: You might
think it's complete fwucking bullshet but
all the years of Adam's life were nine hundred and thirty:
and then he came to be dead. Now Seth was
much more sexually promiscuous. He was
super smooth with the ladies so at a
youthful hundred and five years old he
became the father of Enosh: Somehow
avoiding all sexually transmitted
diseases, Seth went on living after the
birth of Enosh for eight hundred and seven bloody years, and
through his various sexcapaids had sons
and daughters: Feels ridiculous to say
but Seth's life was nine hundred and twelve years: and then
our pal the grim fwucking reaper got'em.
So then Enosh, like father like son, was
only ninety years old when he became the
father of Kenan: And after the birth of
Kenan, Fwucking Enosh somehow went on
living for eight hundred and fifteen years, and had daughters
and sons:
If you do the math, that makes Enosh nine hundred and five
when he kicked the can.
2 legit, 2 legit 2 quit hey hey. Holy
cock and balls man - this is so freaking
boring.
Hopefully we all learn the point of
this family tree horse shet eventually.
Sorry hombre,
I just had to get that outta my system.
Deep breaths and patience...
let's continue. And Kenan was a spry seventy
years old when he became the father of
ugly little Mahalalel: And after the birth of
ugly little Mahalalel, Kenan went
on living for eight hundred and forty
years, and had sons and daughters:
Yeehaw! So again, just to tally it
all up that made Kenan nine hundred and ten when he bit
the dust.
Mahalalel was sixty-five years old when he became
the father of Jared: And after the birth
of Jared, Mahalalel had daughters, all of
whom were stone cold foxes, and sons. Then
he died at age 895.
Jared was a hundred and
sixty-two when his son Enoch was born:
After the birth of Enoch, Jared had sons
and daughters and died at 962. Enoch was
sixty-five years when his son Methuselah was
born: After the birth of Methuselah, Enoch
had sons and daughters but was a little
short changed by life having died at the
terribly young age of 365. And Enoch
went on pretty mysteriously in God's
ways: and he was not seen ever again, for
God took him for reasons undisclosed to
us. Perhaps, Enoch was secretly recruited
for God's elite forces unit but alas
we can only speculate. Methuselah was a
hundred and eighty-seven years old when
he became the father of Lamech: After the
birth of Lamech, Methuselah had daughters
and sons and then died at age 969. The
Good ole turd tossing shet disturbing
bastard Lamech was a hundred and
eighty-two years old when he had a son
shoot out of his wife's coochie: And he
gave him the name of Noah, saying, Truly,
he will give us rest from our trouble
and the hard work of our hands, because
of the earth which was cursed by God.
After the birth of Noah, Lamech had sons
and daughters and then died at age 777.
Coincidence. I think not.
And, apparently, when Noah was five hundred
years old, he became the father of
the "Wonder Triplets": Shem, Ham, and Japheth.
Mega crow pecker partner. What a cliffhanger!
Hate to cut it off there but that's the
end of Chapter 5. Oh and remember, If you
like this video, please make sure that
you fwucking obliterate that subscribe
button. If you won't do it for me bro, do
it for Jesus. Think, what would Jesus do?
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