(Owen) Ruchir, your 4:00 appointment ready
RUCHIR!
Ruchir, your 4:00 appointment ready
(Ruchir) Oh, Oh my bad my bad
(Owen) Gabe, your 4:05 appointment ready.
Room 101
(Gabe smiles and laughs at the camera)
(Owen) Oh shoot, the signs. (Owen switches the signs because he was tall)
(Kapil) Hello, I am doctor Al-Razi
(Gabe) Can you repeat that?
(Kapil) I'm doctor Al-Razi. What is your symptoms today? Why are you here today?
(Gabe) Uhhh, well lately I've been feeling really itchy and as you can see here, I have a whole bunch of red dots and..
I don't feel too well right now and so I think I have smallpox.
(Kapil) SMALL POX! You're going to need surgery immediately!
But uhh... look at this carpet (Gabe looks). It's made of sheep skin
(Gabe) Wait...why are you talking about the carpet right now? I need surgery!
(Kapil) Uhh yeah it's made of sheep skin.
(Gabe) Why don't you do that [surgery] then?
(Kapil) Sheep skin!
(Ruchir walks into the room)
(Owen) Welcome Ruchir. Please have a seat.
(Ruchir) Thank you.
(Owen) No, not here. Seat here (Points to a chair)
(Ruchir) What is this?
(Owen) It's a chair.
(Ruchir) Where did you get it from?
(Owen) IKEA.
(Ruchir) What is IKEA?
(Owen) It's a store, a furniture store.
(Ruchir) Ohh okay.
Thank you
(Owen) Ok, so what seems to be the problem?
(Ruchir) Um, I seem to be itching so much . I have so many red dots popping up here. Like, around all the way here.
(Owen) I think you may have smallpox.
(Ruchir) SMALLPOX! Is it very horrible?!
(Owen) Not necessarily. You can treat it.
(Ruchir) Well, what do you do to help it?
(Owen gets up an gives Ruchir medicine) Drink a teaspoon of this every day and it will be gone in 30 days.
(Ruchir) Oh really! Should I start right now?
(Owen) Yes.
(Ruchir) Ok Ok.
(Surgery on Gabe begins)
(Kapil) This is the tool, another tool
This is the incision device. I use it to cut. Tweezers. Thermometer.
(Kapil) Are you feeling okay?
(Gabe) Not really.
(Kapil) If I do your surgery, I will talk about my qualifications. (Gabe coughs)
Uhh I am doctor Al-Razi.
(Gabe urging to start because he wants to live) Hey, Hey, Hey! Can we like.. Can we like start the surgery now?
(Kapil who completely ignores Gabe) Uhh, well I have 200 books about medicine.
(Gabe) What?! okay
(Kapil) I'm gonna be known as the "Father of Islamic Medicine".
(Gabe continues to cough)
(Kapil) I'm gonna reform the scientific method. I currently have a hospital in Baghdad, which is this hospital.
(Gabe) Can we like start now, please? (Kapil) I believe that eating raw meat is bad for your health.
I wanna also talk about the system of medicine and lastly I wanna talk about smallpox, which I think is caused by animal's blood. (Gabe collapses and dies)
Are you okay?! (Kapil shakes Gabe to make sure he's alive) (Al-Razi and other Islamic doctors killed their patients because of their poor time management skills)
I pronounce Gabriel Lao dead. (Covers blanket over him)
(Back in Room 101(American))
(After Ruchir has been treated) (Ruchir) I don't think you are my doctor.
(Owen) What's your name again?
(Ruchir) My name is al-Ruchir.
(Owen checks his patient list on his computer)
(Owen) No, you're not my patient.
(Ruchir) Well, what am I doing here?
(Owen) There's been a mixup.
(Ruchir) Well, what was the mixup.
The sign literally said "Islamic", so I came in here.
(Owen) Could you take off your veil please?
(Ruchir) I literally came in here, the sign said "Islamic", so I thought my doctor would be Islamic.
(Owen) We got the signs mixed up. I'm very sorry.
(Ruchir) So, where am I supposed to be then?
(Owen) Room 101.
(Ruchir) Where is that?
(Owen) Next door.
(Ruchir) Okay.
(Owen walks out the door) I think we had the wrong patients.
(Kapil) We do?
(Owen) Yes! You have my patient.
(Kapil) Oh, it's okay he's dead.
(Ruchir starts laughing behind camera)
THE END!



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