Hello everybody. So welcome to another Facebook Live from Karen and Nurture Parenting.
So today's Valentine's Day! So happy Valentine's Day to everybody and I'm going to send out
lots of love to all of you today and I hope you've had a lovely Valentine's Day so far.
So Karen today is wearing her rose quartz in celebration of Valentine's Day.
I've got the Rose Quartz crystals out. So I'm going to out myself as a crazy crystal girl.
I'm infusing my Valentine's Day broadcast on Facebook Live today with lots of love and my rose quartz.
So last week we did a competition to win some Babe and the lucky winner was Bec Jane Campbell.
So this is what Bec won. She won the Babe. Which is B A B E and she won the atopic
skin care and she won the shower gel as well. So Bec lucky winner. And I know that these are
going to be well used as her kids have got eczema. These are fabulous. Got calendula
in which I absolutely adore for eczema. Those of you who have watched the last two weeks
will know that I've got eczema myself. I trialled these out intensively before I put them in
the Nurture Parenting shop. So lucky Bec Jane. So of course I've got a competition to give
away in a moment and this is a really fabulous prize as well. And because it's Valentine's
day I feel like giving away a very special prize today. So to win the prize on Nurture
Parenting Facebook Live you just have to like Nurture Parenting on Facebook and like this
post. Share it with all your mother's group, share it with your friends, anybody who's
got children up to the age of five. I'll be answering questions each week on sleep.
Bay sleep. Toddler sleep. On feeding. Breat feeding. Formula feeding. I'll be talking about solids.
I'll be talking about fussy feeding in toddlers and toddler behaviour. Potty training.
Challenging behaviour in toddlers. Anything basically to do with parenting right up to the
age of five. So you can ask me Karen anything on a Tuesday afternoon. Now you'll be notified
each week with a link. I've got a heap of questions come through which is why I'm slightly
late today because a flurry of questions came in late and I had to write them down to make
sure didn't miss them out. So this week's competition. Are you all sat on the edge of
your seats? I hope you are. I'm giving away a phone consultation and two email follow
ups with myself Karen. And you get to win a one hour phone consultation at the time
of your choosing and there's included two emails as follow up. This is one of my services
that I offer. It's a very popular option and I know that not everybody can access my services
so this is a really worthy prize. It's the value of two hundred dollars that I'm giving
away on Valentine's Day. So Karen's feeling very generous and giving lots of love out.
Now say if you win the prize and you haven't got a problem, you haven't got any questions
that you need to ask me, you can donate it to a friend, to your sister, to your
sister in law, somebody in your mother's group who's struggling. You know give the love out.
Pass it forward. I think that's a really good way of giving love out on Valentine's Day.
So I'm very pleased to say that's what this week's competition is. To win a one hour phone consultation
with me, Karen. If you haven't got a phone because you live interstate or whatever,
I'd do a Skype. They're the same thing. Either a Skype or a phone consult from Karen.
And you get 28 years of my knowledge. You get 17 years of my baby sleep and toddler sleep
work. So it is an absolute steal. A bargain. Okay. Now this week I was supposed to be writing
the baby sleep book. Which I am doing. I got approached by a major major global publishing
house to write this book and we're still at negotiation stage so nothing's been signed
yet. But it's all very exciting. Now of course the phone rings and there was three things
that I could not say no to this week. So my wek of writing isn't quite my week of writing
it shoud've been. So it will get finished this book by the end of February. But the
phone calls I took this week were situations that I could not allow to wait even a week
or two. So I'll let you know when this book is finally finished. Yes my earring's hanging off.
I had issues with the earring Julie. I knew this would happen. So these earrings
have a story. So I lost an identical pair at Manchester airport when I was going through
customs and they made me remove all my jewellery. And I lost an earring and I was devastated
and I haven't quite recovered. And so I managed to find these on Etsy and I was thrilled but
I noticed today one of them was not behaving itself. So thank you for letting me know.
Earring's ok now I think. Thumbs up. So if you feel like sending me lots of love hearts
because it's Valentine's Day send them my way and I'm going to get straight into the
questions. So I hope that you like the prize I'm giving away. I think it's a fabulous prize
and it is an amazing value. Two hundred dollars worth of prize. So I'm going to get straight
into Michelle. Now Michelle Alifano with Charlie asked me a question last week which I didn't
quite get round to because unfortunately so many questions come in which is so exciting.
So when can night feeds be stopped? Now I know that Michelle's baby is over six months
of age. And it's quite a common question that I get asked about, this night feeds business.
So as a midwife I'm here to promote and support breastfeeding but I'm also here to support
mums and their emotional health too. So bear that in mind. I know a lot of mums over here
don't have family and there is no village to help them. So I believe that from six months
of age a lot of babies do not need their night feeds. However if the mum wants to breastfeed
10 times a night and she doesn't see it as being a problem then I don't consider it a
problem and I will not interfere or suggest anything. However if you come to me and ask
me, "Can I get rid of my night feeds Karen?" Then I'll obviously look at your baby's age.
I'll look at their development. I'll look at their centiles, where they are in their
centile chart with their weight, their head circumference and their length. Because it's
important we look at thriving babies and growth. And if a mum's had breastfeeding issues, breastfeeding
challenges with supply, then I maybe don't have that same cut off age that I would have
for other people. So everything's very individual. So it's a very interesting question Michelle.
Now there isn't a straightforward answer because every case is different. Michelle says, "8.8
kilos now." 8.8 kilos now Michelle? I think those feeds can go love. I think you deserve
a break. Her first child was really hard. So Charlie was really really hard. But I think
the feeds can go. Giving you permission Michelle to do some sleep training and get rid of those
night feeds. Hope you like that. I think you will. So sometimes we keep on feeding, and
mums keep on feeding because it's just a habit thing. And last week I did an overnight stay
with a little baby called Penelope. And Penelope was about seven months old. And she only woke
up once in the night that needed resettling. Michelle: "Sounds good." Michelle excellent
I like it too. So I think mums deserve good sleep because good sleep means more milk.
Good sleep means a mum who's happy and is able to play with her child. Meet her own
needs. Do all the things that mums should be able to do. And I see many mums having
eight to ten feeds and not really looking after themselves or their mental health is
not great. So I'm a big advocate for the mum. Now obviously I'm an advocate for the baby
as well but mum to me is paramount. So it is very individual but Michelle's baby is
8.8 kilos. I think it's a good choice to get that away. So this little baby Penelope. Seven
months old. Was having about four feeds at night time. Sometimes three feeds. And we
managed to resettle her easily within about five to ten minutes each time and there was
very little protest. And I spoke to mum today and mum is happy to report that we're five
.. six days down the line and Penelope has not woken up for any night feeds since I went
round to help them. So I think that's absolutely fabulous. And like I said most babies it is
a habit thing and we just give the feed because we're scared of what might happen. We think
we can do it quicker and get back to bed quicker. We're worried about waking up our other halves
or siblings etc But often it's just a habit thing and these babies are ready to do this.
So if you need any help with that just contact me and I can definitely help you with how
to do this kindly. And how to do it in a way that you don't get mastitis etc etc So Michelle,
hopefully that's helped. Next we're on to ... I want to talk about a little visit I
did this week that I did with a little boy. I won't give his name because it's a very
unusual name. He was a two and a half year old. And this little boy was having three
bottles. One before bed of 130 mL and two more in the middle of the night of 130 mL.
He was having 390 mL. Nearly 400 mL. "Should I just stop it altogether or just stop it
slowly?" How many feeds are you doing Michelle? You doing two? One? If you're doing two feeds
you don't need to cut down slowly just express off a couple for comfort. If you're doing
two feeds just do one feed. You just don't need to do anything with expressing. You can
just stop completely. So I hope this has answered your question Michelle. Right so this little
boy. A two and a half year old had been having three bottles at bedtime. 400 mL at two and
a half years old. And the concern that I had was not the actual feed that was replacing
the solids and his food. It was the fact that this little boy could not emotionally self
regulate. Now he'd gone to day care recently and he had not coped at all. And it was really
really sad. When I took the bottle away at night time because I felt that was the kindest
thing to do to help him with the middle of the night he cried for an hour and fifteen
minutes. And it was heartrending. And it was sobs. And it was like, "I want my mummy!
I want my daddy! I need my daddy!" And there was tears and it was just awful. So stopping
night feeds early before one is a great idea. And because to get involved in that situation
at two and a half. Can I give this little boy good sleep for life and guarantee it?
Not sure. If you do it before one and get kids sleeping through and self settling then
they are able to self regulate on the whole and then cope with life and day care and school.
This little boy, I'm not sure whether he's ever going to get great sleep. He might get good sleep
but will he get great sleep? The good thing was he had a younger sibling. Six months old.
So I've got that little boy who is just now six months old, teaching mum how to get him
to sleep through. So then we can help him with his emotions for life. So emotional self
regulation. Massive issue. Massive. Massive. Massive. And is the crux of self settling.
It is a thing which is most important. Michelle says, "I think we may need help with Charlie's
sleep again too." Okay Michelle. I'll be brave. I'll get the wand super charged and get myself
all pepped up and psyched up. And of course I'd help you Michelle. Theresa! Hello Theresa!
Welcome! It's okay to be late. I was slightly late myself today because I was answering
some messages. So sometimes life just happens and nothing quite falls to plan. Alright so
those are the first two things. So Theresa I'm coming to your question now. So you've
just timed it right Theresa. So she's got a little boy called George who's 15 months
old. George has been waking up between 5 to 5.30am for the last week or so. His routine
is completely out of whack because he's now going down for a nap in the morning. Whereas
before he'd have a sleep after lunch. We were putting him to bed at 7pm and he would be
asleep by 7.30. We've changed his bedtime to 6.30 asleep by 7 but he still wakes up
early. Please help! I don't want to be a grumpy parent any longer. Thank you Theresa.
And I'm sure no parent out there wants to be a grumpy parent. But when you're getting woken
up at 5 and half past 5, I would be a very grumpy parent too. So I don't do mornings
at all. I don't consider anything before six o'clock to be morning. The parents that I
help and I teach to resettle at five o'clock and five thirty. It pays off Theresa. So in
the short term I want you to, there's three things we're going to look at with your little
man Theresa. The first one is, which is a massive one, is making his bedroom extremely
dark. So it's as dark as a cave. Now I had this mummy that I was helping recently and
she'd gone away to the Blue Mountains at the weekend. The hotel they were staying in had
lovely lined curtains and heavy drapes. And for the first time her little boy went to
sleep so quickly. And he slept through past five o'clock to seven o'clock. And she couldn't
believe it. She was shocked. And again yesterday I was doing a group and this mummy was asking
a question about early morning waking. I asked, "How dark is your bedroom?" She said,
"Oh, interesting! At the weekend we put some heavy drapes up and for the first time we got a
lie in. We got a long sleep in the morning. No five o'clock waking." So yay! So the secret
is to have a very very dark bedroom. Because at five o'clock melatonin, that neurotransmitter
in your brain that helps you get to sleep and stay asleep is at it's lowest. So if you
have a bedroom that's letting light in and it's hitting a brain that's low in melatonin
then your child is going to wake up. And no matter how hard you try and resettle it is
working against light. So sometimes I go interstate and rural NSW etc and I stay in accommodation
that sometimes doesn't have great lined curtains. My other half notoriously doesn't always book
me the nicest place. Sometimes it can be the cheapest place. The most reasonable place.
And sometimes these curtains are not very well lined. And I've had to do crazy things
like put bin liners on windows with masking tape because I obviously have to sleep in
the day to cope with the next night. I've even had to put a scarf round my head so that
I could sleep. I've even had to put those little inflight little masks over my eyes
as well. So I'm very light sensitive as a lot of children and babies are. So dark bedroom,
really key for getting past about five o'clock. Now blockout blinds, groblinds, all really
helpful. Something else that I sometimes do is put tin foil on windows. If you live in
rental and you might not want to stick it to the window with water. There's a video
on Youtube about how to make your room dark. You might want to put tin foil over the window
with masking tape. You might want to use the silver reflective things that go over car
windscreens in summer to make your room dark. There's many ways that you can make a dark
room but it needs to be so dark Theresa that you can't see your hand in front of your face.
Really important. The kids with the dark bedrooms, they sleep till seven, even half seven on
a regular basis. So if it was me and I was a parent in Australia I would be making that
room so dark. So essential. So if you can see your hand in front of your face, if you
can see the outline of the room at five o'clock or half past five it is not dark enough. It
should be so dark that you cannot see your child in the cot, you cannot see the cot,
you can't see anything in that room. Really really important. So number two thing Theresa.
Which I quite often talk about. I've talked about the last two weeks on Facebook Live
is tryptophan. So foods high in tryptophan. Turkey. Chicken. Bananas. Cheese. Avocado.
Tofu. Green leafy veg etc. Porridge oats. Weetbix. So having those foods and low GI
carbs like pumpkin, sweet potato, wholemeal pasta etc. All the wholemeal stuff that will
ninja getting past that five to half past five waking as well. So very very important.
Now when I do a night shift. To get myself to sleep in the afternoon what I often do
is have a massive bowl of porridge. So I live off porridge. It is my staple diet. So it
comes in and out of the fridge sometimes but I do gradually eat it in my day. But if you
eat those foods high in tryptophan an hour before a nap is needed, or to help with bedtime
as well, then it maximises your child's chance of getting to sleep and staying asleep. So
in the day, snacks high in tryptohphan. Wholemeal toast spread with avocado or peanut butter.
Philadelphia cream cheese etc. etc. Bananas etc. etc. So Julie will put the link up for
the blog. The tryptophan thing. So important. Just give them a banana or a banana dessert
before bedtime. It can make a difference with that five to half past five waking Theresa.
And the third thing that I would do is. Once you've mastered those two things. Morning
Jane! Morning Jane! Hope thing's all well in your world and I hope Cooper's doing well
and so's Archie. So Theresa, "We'll have to block out our curtains but the daylight still
comes in over the top of them." Yeah. You might need to stick something to your window Theresa
I find this light in Australia is so sneaky. It comes out over the curtain tops.
It comes out form doorways. I've even had to put things underneath doors etc. etc.
Just have a look at where is the light coming from in the house at five and half past five.
So so crucial. So the third thing Theresa I would do once you've mastered those two things,
which is the dark room and the diet, is I would resettle at five o'clock. So I wait
for three minutes of constant crying. Go in and sit by the cot and I'd resettle with parental
presence. Because George is now 15 months old I would never do a checking routine or
what some people call controlled crying where you go in and out of the room. But I would
never do that at 15 months. I would sit by the cot and resettle. And when you resettle,
you need to resettle for at least half an hour to an hour. So you could be sat there
till six o'clock. And once six o'clock comes, if he's not resettling Theresa just get him
up and start your day. But it might take, with a 15 month old, and you're not going
to like this answer. But it might take up to a month to get the resettling to work.
So within a week you should see some change. Within two weeks you'll see a big change.
But toddlers take a month. Now if you do resettling with a baby it just takes about a week to
10 days to get kids to resettle past that five o'clock. So the older a child is the
longer it takes to come good. So day one's ordinary. Day two is the same but slightly
better. Day 3 or 4 things get worse before they get better. Don't give in!
By a week to 10 days it should be starting to improve. And by a month you should be know where you're
at with that Theresa. Do those two things first and I think the resettling will work
much much better. Okay so next question is for Linda. Linda sent me this question in.
I spoke to Linda on the phone this week and she emailed me this morning. Now at the moment
because of my book I'm really really busy. And my diary has just blown out. And it's
a little bit scary because it makes me feel very uncomfortable I can't get to people as quicly as what they need it.
And as a result I've booked three things in this week when I was supposed to be having a week
of writing. Because I just couldn't leave the situations that I came across. So Karen's
heart is too big sometimes and she doesn't always look after her interests or her self care.
So Linda. So I spoke to Linda and Linda's got a three and a half month old, Matthew.
Now things were really bad and it's child number two. And not settling in the day.
Not sleeping at all. Not sleeping at night time. Waking all the time. She was exhausted. Absolutely
exhausted. So I said to her, "Linda, I'm not going to give you the phone call answer that
you thought you were going to get. And we're not going to put something in. I'm going to
give you some homework. I'm going to give you something for free over the phone. I'm
going to give you some free advice. Would you like it Linda?" And Linda said, "Yes please!"
And I gave Linda 10 minutes of what she needs to do with her baby. I also said to her,
"Buy my newborn book: Help I'm a new mum and I don't know what to do. It's got everything
in there for baby sleep under four months of age that you need to know to fix this."
And she did. And out of that has come success and Linda is very very happy. And I'm very
very happy for Linda too. So she said, "Thought you'd be interested to hear how Matthew is
going. So after getting off the phone to you on Sunday I was a bit anxious as my parents
live with us and are totally against baby crying." Which is quite a common problem.
"I just had to bite the bullet and go through with it as I couldn't continue the way things
were. I can say in 36 hours there is a massive improvement. Instead of sleeping on me like
a koala he has slept in bassinet for two whole nights." Two whole nights! "The first night
he did his normal three feeds, and there were a few resettles which only took less than
10 minutes. Yesterday he actually did a two hour nap." A two hour nap! Exciting!
There was a few resettles needed but she got a two hour nap! "The settle to sleep time went from
38 minutes on the first night to the quickest one for a nap yesterday 3 minutes." 3 minutes
without Linda needing to help her baby. Three minutes. Three minutes to settle. Wow! That's
ninja level Linda. That's impressive. "Last night he only had two feeds and a quick resettle
at five o'clock and up for the day at six thirty. I'm elated with the changes and fingers
crossed he'll make it to settling off to sleep with no crying." Yes he will do Linda. Very shortly.
"I'm forever grateful for your advice. You have saved my arms, my back and my sanity.
How do I know ...?" Yes this next question changes things. Perfect Theresa. No problem at all.
Hello Stephen. Nice to see you. So I love that update and I love hearing updates
like this. It makes me so so happy. I think it's lovely that I can give things for free.
You know. Because not everybody can be helped by me because I don't have enough of me.
I'd like to clone myself and put myself in the shop really, but I can't. But knowing that
I can do these things over the phone. Which is like massive! And a phone consult is
much cheaper than me in person. I mean obviously when things are really bad you need me in person
When things are really bad at night you need me at night. But I can turn things
around in one night. It takes most baby whisperers three nights. I can do it in one. I try and
keep my costs down and down for my clients. But just think Linda got this with just a
10 minute phone call from me and buying my book which was just $7.99 Bargain! Bargain! Bargain!
And I've got a very happy mum. So next question from Linda was, "How do I know
when Matthew wants to wake up for the day? He is restless from between five to six am.
At six thirty he wakes and cries. This morning's cry was more a soft cry but I wasn't sure
whether to resettle or get him up. So I ended up getting him up because I thought he might
not go back down because he didn't have his third feed last night and might be hungry.
Once I got him up he did seem a little tired and still yawning." So most babies under six
months need about two night feeds. Some need three but not much more than that.
Unless of course you're having a big growth spurt and that can totally blow things out. But
most babies, when they're not having a growth spurt, just need about two maybe three feeds
maximum. So how do you know he's ready to start his day? So I would always wait and see.
I would never jump on a crying baby. I would just wait and see. Are they having
just a little protest? Are they going to resettle? Because again, like I said before, five,
half past five, is low melatonin. I would not get up before six. So I'd resettle any waking
before six. And morning starts in my books between six and seven. If you're baby hasn't
woken up by seven, yes you do have to start your day at seven. But I'm a big fan in that
if you want to get a lie in it is very very possible. But then you need to do a lot more
feeds in the day to make up for what you haven't done at night time. So by self settling,
self settling can actually teach babies to sleep through the night naturally. It's not like
Gina Ford or Tizzie Hall sort of stuff. It's not forcing a baby. It's a natural process.
Self settling which is in my newborn book. It's all in there. And that's what can happen.
And I just think Linda this is going to go from amazing to more amazing and super amazing.
And I think you're going to get some sleep throughs with your little man.
He's turned around quickly at this sort of age. At three and a half months of age. They are easy to
turn around. After four months it becomes hard. After six months a lot harder.
And at seven to eight months boys are really quite tricky. So I'd be doing it early. So well done Linda.
Very very proud of you. And you bit the bullet and you did it. And I knew
I was giving you a big challenge. I knew it wasn't going to be little. Go you!
So next I'm on to Shannon. Eight month little boy and day naps. Have I got Shannon out there
with me today? Is Shannon there? Do you want to give me a thumbs up or a love heart if
you are there? Do we have a Shannon? Or maybe Shannon's going to listen to this afterwards.
No I can't see Shannon. Nope. I can see Lauren. Hello Lauren! Nice to see you! I hope you're
having a lovely day. I can see Laura! Hope you're having a lovely day. And I've got something
that's coming your way Laura very soon. So I'm not going to tell you what it is and spoil
the surprise but a little treat is coming to your house. Okay right. Lauren if you just
refresh it will work. Shannon is here. Right. Excellent. Right okay. Shannon hello! So she
sent me a lovely question in. She's booked a phone consult with me. So on the phone consult
Shannon you're going to get a lot more than what you're going to get just now. But this
will enough to help you in the short term. "I do have a very specific question about
daytime sleeps. My little boy is nearly eight months and sleeps really well during the day
but terribly at night. He currently has three naps. One at eight o'clock. One at eleven o'clock.
And one at two o'clock in the afternoon. Most days roughly an hour and a half each.
I was wondering if this was too much sleep at this age? I make sure he's up at five o'clock
at the latest but could it be impacting his night sleep?" Absolutely Shannon, this is.
We need to move to just two naps a day. One in the morning. Usually three hours after
getting up. So say he's getting up at six your nap will be at nine. And give him no
more than one hour and wake him up after that hour. It seems wrong. It isn't. You need him
to have a long sleep in the afternoon. That's the one that helps you get to bedtime and
not be stressed. So we need to do one in the afternoon for about two hours. One and a half
to two hours. And we're not going to give him that later one at two o'clock. So we need
to move that 11 o'clock onwards. It could be that he's waking up too early in the morning.
That's why he's struggling with his day naps and starting at eight. But that first nap
should be three hours after waking up. And that last one should be about between
12 to 1 o'clock, and not after four o'clock in the afternoon. So once it gets to four you've
got to wake him. And I'd rather do an earlier bedtime than I would do a third nap. And particularly
eight months of age. I'd be looking at food as well. So when I do the phone consult with
you we need to look at everything Shannon because this is not just a little little question.
It's actually quite a big question. But hopefully that's helped you. To give you an idea of
how your day should be structured. Okay love. So we will chat soon. I've sent you an email today.
I've given you some dates and times when we can do our phone consult together.
So look forward to the chat Shannon. So hopefully that has helped. Okay. Who else have I got
out here? So look at these questions and I'm going to come back to my little list. Okay.
Theresa yep. Okay. Who else have I got? Nicola Pittner. Hello Nicola! Welcome. So Nicola,
"Any guidance on when to expect a bilingual baby boy Felix to speak? He's hitting all
milestones, painting, clapping, waving, doing lots of babbling, but no words. He's twelve months
and we do do lots of ..." Can't see the rest, the end of that question. I don't
know why I can't see the end of that question. The end of it. I'll just look at it on the
computer. Sorry about that Nicola. I'm just going to look on my laptop and just see what
it is that the rest of that question there. Because I can't quite see the end of it. Are
you there Nicola at the moment as well? Give me a wave. Give me a love heart. Give me a
like if you are. Okay. Alrighty. So. I'll just go to the post. Ooh lots of questions here!
Now I can't see Nicola's, the end of your comment Nicola. Do you want to just put
in the end of it again for me? Or Julie can you send me the end of Nicola's comment because
I can't see the end of it on the screen at all. I don't know why but I'm just not seeing
that today. So let's just go back to what you did ask me so far.
Julie's going to find it for us. So bilingual. So I've been looking at, when one parent does
one language and one parent does the other language. I'd be looking at when you read
to him pointing underneath words. I'd be looking at adding words on to words. For example,
"The sky is blue." "The grass is green." I'd be talking about everything in his day.
I'd be talking about everything you're doing in the house, when you're out and about.
I'd be looking at nursery rhymes. I'd also be looking at things like sign language in the
short term to help. That doesn't delay speech. But usually speech is five single words by
18 months. So he's not behind Nicola in the slightest. 12 months of age and babbling.
Very very normal. Sometimes single words at 12 months can be like mamma, dadda. But you
might not get much more than that. And boys tend to speak later than what little girls do.
So hope that's helped Nicola. And we'll find the end of the question just in case
there's something else on there. Now I've got question for. So we'll just come to that.
Right Reeva. Hello Reeva with twins! Hope things are going well. "Luca and Xavier are
now six months old corrected. Their night sleeps have regressed with leap five." Nooo!
"Sleeping well and can self settle in the day but two hour wake ups at night." Okay.
"They're stuck in the feed to sleep pattern." Okay so Reeva, I think we need to chat on
the phone. And I think I need to go through what you need to do with this. We might do
one child at a time because it might be too hard to do both together. Or start at the
weekend and you and your husband do tag team. But I think at this age now, at six months.
I guess they're on full solids Reeva? They're on protein and carbs and everything?
Just give me a thumbs up. Just send me a little comment if they are. Yep, excellent.
So once they're on a decent amount of food and they're on three meals a day. Happy Valentine's Day
to you Renee Elizabeth! I'm going to come to your question in a moment Renee. So I would
be having a little chat with me and I'll just go through what you need to do because your
boys are a lot older than when I came to see you. And I think within two nights I think
you can have two very different babies. I know that Luca was easier than Xavier but
I think at six months I think it's time. And you've got twins. And I think you deserve
to have peace at night. Ok Reeva. I hope that's helped. So either you call me or I will call
you and we'll tee up a time to chat through this. Right, so the next question from Renee Elizabeth.
"My question is about behaviour rather than sleep. My 15 month old is hitting
mostly mum, dad and twin sister." Nooo! "Smack in the face. He does it when he's happy and
excited rather than tired, upset, tantruming. He bites as well but it seems to have passed mostly.
"Any tips?" Okay Renee Elizabeth. So boys often act out more than what girls do.
But that's not saying that girls don't. My niece did. Okay so any child is likely to do this.
It's part of emotional physical regulation. It's just that the self regulation, they're
going through big emotional changes and it's testing boundaries as well. But you're absolutely
right he cannot get away with this and have it allowed to continue. Things like saying
to him and paying attention to the injured party which is his sibling saying,
"Look at your little sibling! She looks really sad! How would you feel if you you were hit like that?
Would you feel really sad too?" So just making him try and empathise with her okay.
Using the stop words. Saying to him, "I'd like you to stop doing that please. Stop hitting."
And I'd like you to stroke her nicely instead. Model what good behaviour looks like.
So what needs to stop and what good behaviour looks like. So it's what needs to stop and what
need to start instead. Because too often we say, "No!" or "Stop!" and then the child thinks,
"No, what else do I do?" And knowing imprints the behaviour as well. So saying,
"I'd like you to stop doing that and do this instead." For example if they shouting, "I'd like you
to stop shouting please and talk in your nice quiet voice instead." So I hope that's helped
you Renee but it is a really common issue. Also as well you can take him away from the
action and sit him down on the couch beside of you doing quiet time. And he has to sit
there quietly for two minutes. So if he's not quiet he sits there for a little bit longer.
If you're having trouble with him keeping still sit him on your knee and just give him
a big bear hug to keep him still. And if he's having a tantrum let the tantrum happen.
Let it evolve. Let that emotion out. Now it's really important at this sort of age onwards
that we start talking about emotions to children. There's a great author called Trace Moroney
and she's got some books about emotions. About anger, about happy, about sad, about lots
of different things. There's also a great book called "My Big Shouting Day"
by Rebecca Patterson. And the Aaron Blabey books for older children
do some great emotion stuff. So I use books a lot to convey emotions and feelings.
I think they're really really important. So I'd look at Trace Moroney. Her books are really simple.
They're not big messages in them. But I would just pay attention to the hurt party and make
a big fuss of the hurt party. I would try and ignore the situation if it's not a dangerous
situation but if it's dangerous you need to say, "I'd like you to stop doing that and
do this instead." And the first bit of good behaviour you see you do labelled praise for.
Labelled praise is like saying, "Well done ..." I'm not sure what his name is.
"Well done Lucas for playing nicely with your sister and being gentle with her." So we talk about
being rough and being gentle. "When you're rough with your sister it makes her sad!
See she's sad. How would you feel if your sister was rough with you and she did this with you?
You'd feel sad." And you can demonstrate what sad looks like, "And look at her face she
looks sad." So talk about rough and talk about gentle okay. That's really important.
I'd rather not talk about good and bad because then it polarises and it gives a negative
to the child. Once you say to your child, "You're bad and you're naughty" then that
child thinks they are bad and they're naughty and they're more likely to act out. And I'm
sure you wouldn't do that Renee anyway. But just talking about being gentle versus, "We
don't do rough behaviour in this house" and that sort of thing will really really help.
Rather than giving labels and giving a badge of good or bad behaviour, talk about gentle
versus kind versus rough. And I hope that helped you Renee. But there's a heap of information
on my blog about how to manage bad behaviour. How to manage emotions. How to, and again
I shouldn't say bad behaviour on the blog, I should say how to manage ungentle behaviour
or rough behaviour. But anyway those words do come to mind staightaway and it's just
how we're programmed. So I hope that's helped you Renee Elizabeth. So anybody else got anything
else before I go back to the list that's been sent in to me? Let's have a little look through here.
So there's a lot of you come today. So welcome to everybody. I know that your
time is very valuable so hopefully you're really enjoying today and getting a lot from it.
And it's not just about sleeps. So Helen's here. Hello hello Helen. "Not sure you can
help with this but .." Let's have a look and see what came through from Helen there. Okay.
"... help with this but I'm trying to get my two and a half year old to stop sucking
her thumb. She does it all day, not just at sleep time. Any tips?" Yes, there is a product
called "Stop and Grow" that you can buy from the pharmacy and you can use that on their
thumbs and it's fine to use after the age of two. It tastes very very bitter. I talked
about this last week actually so there is a section on last week's Facebook Live about
thumb sucking and how to stop it. So my own father would use english mustard.
I don't really advise that but it worked. Wasabi? Whether that's a nice thing to do? Stop and grow is nicer.
There is probably some herbal stuff out there than you can use on thumbs to stop it.
And again, reward with labelled praise when she doesn't do it okay. So talk to say,
"Olivia well done on not sucking your thumb. That's excellent work Olivia." And that sort
of thing is labelled praise okay. So doing that heaps. So once you want something to
change do labelled praise a lot to get that thing to change. Alrighty. So let's go back
to the little list of questions that came in today. So Katherine came to see my little
talk yesterday. So hello Katherine. Are you there today? If you are give me love heart
or a thumbs up. Give me a like. Nope, not sure if she's there. Anyway I did a talk yesterday
to seven mummies with seven babies and one daddy over in Camperdown. And I'm available
to do talks if your mother's group needs a talk. I'm more than happy to come and do talks
for people. And they are not all that pricey so it's worth investigating. If you've, say
if you've got a toddler a toddler talk on toddler behaviour. Or you wanted a baby sleep
talk to prevent that four month sleep regression. They're all things that I do and they come
at a very reasonable cost and I travel to your venue and we spend about an hour,
an hour and a half. We can also do baby massage as well if that's something that you wanted.
So Kathryn and Max. Max is four months old. So Kathryn came yesterday as I said.
She rushed home to try the rules that I'd taught her and how to settle Max and he didn't do
all that great. "He cried hysterically every time I put him down after 30 seconds."
And basically she gave in because Max was too hard. And I think it really is hard doing
settling with a four month plus boy. And they're probably the more challenging cases.
So it might be Kathryn that you need help to do this. He might not be an easy one that you
can just go home and do this with the things I've taught you. It's taken me 17 years to
learn all this stuff. So it's about reading the cry. It's about when you pick them up
and when you don't pick them up. It might have been that you got your timing wrong.
It might be just that Max is just a really hard case and that we need to look at a different
way to approach this. So this might not be as simple as me giving you the instructions
and doing it. However I did have a little girl once who took four days before she agreed
to do a day time nap. So I do get girls that are hard too. So it's worth carrying on.
I know it was probably very hard. But you know it will pay off. But I'll let you decide whether
you carry on yourself or whether you get me to help you. "So how long should each settling
session should we continue trying? I'd love him to learn to self settle especially if
he starts day care. But I feel pushing the hysteria beyond 40 minutes means he won't nap at all."
I totally agree. A four month old baby I only settle for 40 minutes.
After that I get them up. Take them out to the lounge room. If they're not due a feed go back to
do doing some floor time. Some nice little gentle play time with them to just reset things.
Then when they're looking tired take them back in again. Because babies can't put the
white flag up and go, "I give up!" Okay. But it's about how you do the settling as
I taught you yesterday Kathryn. It's about doing cuddles when you need to and helping them.
Now baby massage does massive things for settling. And it is worth getting my baby massage book.
It's on ibooks and it's in the shop at $9.99 When I do a home visit I do baby massage.
And baby massage is a game changer. When I do this the babies go down really really easily.
Because what baby massage does is it lowers cortisol that stress hormone. So baby massage
would be a great thing to do with your little boy. I'd even do it twice a day just to get
him on the page with you. And more likely to help you and help him to settle.
"Is the three minute rule for waiting just the first time you put them down?" No it isn't.
So three minutes of constant crying when you come to a resettle. Important. No more, no less.
Just three minutes of constant crying. So I use that for resettling too. "Is it ok for him
to see me while I'm sitting by the cot with my hands on him?" Absolutely. So you can either
have your eyes open or your eyes semi-closed or your eyes closed. But he needs to to see your face.
Very very important. This is about bonding and attachment. So any methods that say mum's
face should be hidden are wrong wrong wrong on so many levels. Babies should always see
their parent's face when they are being settled. And it's something that I encourage and I do.
So yes, great question Kathryn. "Is four months and on solids too early to
start this kind of training?" Now it depends on the amount of feeding and what they're
weight gain is like as well. So is their weight doing ok or not ok? So if they're thriving,
if they're ok in their centiles that is something that's really really important and something
that I didn't go into in any depth yesterday. But you need to check that out. So get a weight done.
Get a head circumference done. Look at where your child was on the centiles previously
in the blue book. And there's an app on the iphone called "Growth". It's a great app.
I use that. It's got World Health Organisation charts and so I use that a lot when I'm doing
a phone consult or a skype consult where I can't actually see that baby. So I would be
looking at the weight before you start even doing this Katherine. So if you've got a hungry baby,
no matter how good the sleep training is that child is not going to settle.
So that would be the first thing that I would be looking at. So check that out and just let me know
how that is. If the child is below the centiles from discharge weight then get back to me on that.
Or even come and see me at the pharmacy in Bondi tomorrow. Okay but it is not too early.
This sort of .. You can actually help babies with their sleep right from
two to three weeks of age so long as they're thriving, that feeding is going well. Breastfeeding's established.
You can do this early. It's just that in Australia we don't know about this.
And so people talk about, "Don't sleep train till six months," because people don't know
how to do it over here. It's how you do it. It is not the age. It is much easier to do
when they're younger. And when I see a two or three month old baby. If I see a six week
old baby I think that's a gift. Because it's going to be so easy in comparison to what
I do at six months. Nine months. Twelve months. And I think the less distress we can cause
to children then the less distress we're causing to parents as well. So if anything
I'm a fan of doing things even at six weeks old. Even before if the parent needs it. So it is ok.
It's how you do it. It is not controlled crying. You're in the room with them. You cuddle etc
You're helping them. So that is imporant. Okay what else have I got? Aha!
So I had a really interesting one this week. I had this little boy that's on my blogs.
This was a little boy who was two or three at the time. And he was only eating chocolate
and white bread and milk. So a bit of a disaster and we got him eating proper food within two weeks.
Now they've just come back from overseas to live. And this little boy Oliver has a little
habit of derailing. It's actually on my testimonials. And mum rung me when I was on the way to the
hairdresser's in the uber car that didn't have a clue where it was going to. So I was
in the middle of a mum crisis with a child, with a six year old and an uber driver who
hadn't a clue where she was going. So I just ignored the uber driver. That was not my problem.
My problem was the mum and the child. So I just said to the mum, "You just need to do
three things. Three things only. To do labelled praise. To do logical consequences.
So don't use time out at this age. It's not going to work." She'd been removing the skate board all day.
You can't do that. You need to remove the skate board for half an hour or an hour.
Because a day is a long time in the world of a six year old. So logical consquences. Really imporant.
And I think that should be the blog that I write this week. Hopefully. "The Child's Game"
is really like the glue that sticks all this together. So I just gave her three bits of homework.
That's all she had to do and stick to a routine. And within a day she had peace
and bliss in her life again. So it can be turned around that quickly. So sometimes things
look as if they're terrible. These kids don't cope with changes in routine. Changes in environment.
And this little boy Oliver is known to flick his switch at the slightest little change.
But we've got him back on track. And I'm so happy for Lisa and well done. So that is the end of
my Facebook Live today. Have I got anything I haven't answered out there at all? Is there
anything really, any burning questions? That might be it by the look of things.
I can't see anything else there. Okay. So before you go, make sure that you like this post on Facebook.
Make sure you like Nurture Parenting on Facebook. And then you'll notified of my Facebook Lives.
You'll then be entered into the prize draw. And don't forget this week's prize draw is
a super one! And where you get to win a phone consultation. So $200 worth of prize.
I have to go now because I've just got a wet cat coming in the house. Looks like he got drenched
the poor little boy. And all my best for your babies and sleeping. Gotta go! Got a wet cat.
I'm going to talk to Laura herself on the phone in a moment because I must go sort the
boy out. He's very wet. Talk to you soon Laura. Bye!
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