Clarissa Darling.
Sign here.
I'm gonna need that scarf girl.
And you're gonna have to lose those hoops.
Any other piercings or body jewelry
they can get a hold of?
Mm hm.
Stay behind the yellow line.
Hello baby, do you like it long and hard?
I am hot and fresh for you.
Don't make eye contact.
Get me out of here, I'm not a whore,
I just needed the dough.
This way.
Hey man, you want to get baked man?
Hey Mary, how would you like to get yourself sticky
with a little cream puff?
Damn.
I can smell your muffin!
Good evening.
I'm ok.
Good evening.
Mr. Gingerdead Man sir,
my name is Clarissa Darling.
May I have a word with you, sir?
May I see your credentials please?
Certainly.
Closer please.
Closer.
Still not close enough.
That's a library card.
Mr. Gingerded Man sir,
I've been sent here by the FBI.
Tell me Clarissa, when you were running
down the hall just now,
that little cream puff, he shouted something at you.
Tell me, what did he say?
He said,
"I can smell your muffin."
I, however, can not.
I do however, smell the faint undertone
of vanilla scented skin cream,
and that pimento loaf sandwich
that you had for lunch, but not today.
I am putting together a case study
on just what it is that drives you to kill sir,
if you are willing to cooperate in my investigation,
the DA is willing to cut you a deal.
Candy Land Island.
Just off the coast of Lolipop Bay.
Everyday, for three hours, you will be permitted
to go outside into the fresh air.
You will walk on the brown sugar beach,
you will swim in the lemonade ocean
under (sighs) SWAT team surveillance of course.
Will I now?
Come, come Clarissa, let's not play games.
Do you honestly think they can send
some rookie in here to try and unlock
the complicated secrets of my brilliant sophisticated mind?
What are the ingredients that drive you to kill?
(buzzer buzzes) Huh?
[Voiceover] Attention all side chief personnel,
there's been a security breach.
We have been infiltrated by misguided animal activists.
All personnel are to evacuate the premises immediately.
Oh my God, the horror!
What the fuck?
You hippy mother fuckers can't be up in here.
Yo Ezekiel, release these imprisoned creations of God.
Yea, run chipmunk.
Run muskrats!
Sugar gliders be free once again
from the horrors of intersection.
Sweets for the sweet, hey Gingerdead Man,
there is no FBI case.
You posses the soul of my homeless brother
and drove him to kill himself.
Now I'm here to even the score
you little half baked piece of shit.
No!
[Clarissa] No!
Go be free!
Oh my God!
Look what they've done to you,
they've shaved your body
and your little jelly bean buttons.
Oh they've cut off your noble (mumbles).
Don't you worry, I'm gonna get you out of here.
Be free, be free little capuchin monkey, be free.
Run, run as fast as you can.
No, you don't understand!
Fuck you!
I'll kill you...
[Gingerdead Man] And fuck you too!
Do you understand me Mr. Gingerdead Man?
I'll kill you if it's the last thing I do,
I will track you until the end of time!
Oh, shit!
Gotta haul ass.
Where am I?
Well fuck me to tears, looks like I'm toast.
There he is! (gun fires)
[Gingerdead Man] Mother fucker!
This looks like fun.
By Joe, I think we've got it!
This sustenance time machine
can actually send simple food matter
into time and space.
Soon, hunger as we know it will be eradicated, forever.
Just think of it,
a loaf of bread with an expiration date of 100 years!
[Gingerdead Man] Too bad your expiration date
is right fucking now.
Woo!
Open the door, you little fucking fruitcake.
I'm gonna knock that ass out.
Hurry up open the door, I can't wait
'til I'll be able to bust your ass.
Freeze you little fun sized fucker.
Oh?
Sorry brown sugar, I'm gonna have to catch you
some other time!
* Run, run, run as fast as you can
* I'm not all mean, I've devised a plan
* I'm sick, I'm whack, I'm a maniac
* I'm touched, I'll slides, I'll bust a cap
* So run, run, run as fast as you can
* So run
* Just run
* I said run
* I'm a deviant outcast out for blood
* Knowing the goal, you're name is mud
* You didn't meet, you're ass is grass
* I'm opening up a can of whoop ass
* So run, run, run as fast as you can
* So run
* Just run
* I said run
* I'm a type O negative sociopath
* I'll tear your heart, you'll feel my wrath
* I'll run your bones 'til they run red
* You won't fight back 'cause you'll be dead
* So run, run, run as fast as you can
* So run
* Just run
* I said run
* Run, run, run as fast as you can
* I'll take you out with a frying pan
* Well in my way I'm ready to brawl
* I'm a walking talking wrecking ball
* So run, run, run as fast as you can
* So run
* Just run
* I said run
* So run
* Yea
* Huh
Huh?
1976?
You gotta be fucking kidding me.
Well, oh, I gotta get outta here.
What are you do?
Look out, look out!
Oh yea.
Oh yea!
Snowball!
Hey everybody, it's time to switch it up!
Change partners!
Looking good PJ!
[Voiceover] Hey classy lady!
Oh yea, taking shit!
Hey, where are you going?
Huh?
Oh, pussy!
That twirls Epstien,
he's gonna skate in the Olympics some day.
How do you know that?
Shut up Pickles!
He's waiting to ask Tammy Pimento to marry him
until he wins a gold medal,
then he's gonna melt the gold medal down
and make two matching rings,
so they can have a white wedding on wheels.
Oh God, I'm gonna puke!
[Little Girl] Oh shut up Pickles!
Oh, all right, enough, get away!
Such a freaking fox.
Duh!
I mean, why else do you think I'd be reigning roller queen
for four years in a row?
Are you ready to bring home another crown tonight baby?
[Woman] What do you think?
I think...
I'd like to peel off those satin pants
and ball you in the back of my Trans AM.
Ugh back off Epstein.
[Epstein] Come on, you know you're my best girl.
Give me some loving.
Whatever...
you'll get your rocks off after I get my title.
Tonight, it's my night.
And none of these little rink rats
are gonna take my crown away from me.
Well then I better make sure
you get what's rightfully yours.
If I do, then...
well.
Cunt!
Attention skaters!
Welcome to the fourth annual Roller Boogie Queen Contest
here at Trixie's Roller Land.
Is everybody getting down and having a good time?
Get out on the rink and show us it's done Trixie!
Oh children, I think it's no secret
that my skating days have come and gone.
And sadly, so have all of yours.
Coincidentally, on this day
of great roller boogie celebration,
I have received a telegram from the county tax commission.
There is a balance of back property taxes
that is going to result in me closing the doors
of the roller disco.
Uncle Sam can't kill disco!
We're not gonna let a few back taxes
shut this place down!
(crowd yells agreeably)
You're right!
It would take exactly $85,000 for that to happen.
Well if we all work together,
maybe we could raise the dough
and pay for it ourselves?
I know!
Maybe we can hold a roller disco bikini car wash
in the parking lot tonight!
Oh, that'll help.
Oh, oh, oh, I know!
We could have a roller boogie bake sale!
Surrounded by idiots!
Bake sale, here we go again!
Whoa!
Please, while I appreciate your generous selflessness,
there's nothing I can do.
Let's just turn those frowns upside down
and keep on trucking!
Little Angel!
Huh?
Get that mirror ball spinning white hot!
If this is gonna be the final roller boogie contest,
let's make it the best one ever!
Oh, and one more thing before the festivities begin.
I'd like to introduce you all,
to my pride and joy,
my lovely niece Cherry.
She's come here to help me pack up
what's left of my dream.
Please embrace her and make her feel welcome,
she's all I've got left in this world.
Say hi Cherry, don't be shy.
Hello.
Isn't she a delight?
Nerd!
And don't forget to cast your votes
for the final roller boogie queen
with our very own rink manager, Miss Ingrid Harshman.
Now let's roller boogie!
Come on, why isn't this stupid fucking thing working?
Get me the fuck outta here!
Oh come on!
Dynamite!
Huh?
Asshole!
Of all the shithead decades to get stranded in.
DJoreen, Sandy, it's time for the big car wash!
Oh ok Connie!
We're gonna do what?
I'm gonna get you both wet!
Oh, whoa!
I'm gonna hose some hoes!
Nice rack!
Well as long as I'm stranded here,
might as well roll a few heads!
Woo hoo!
Where's the cigarette machine?
Hey Peaches, happy last night of Boogie Land.
Right back at your Peej!
Oh my God, Tux look!
What?
My mood ring, it says that something epic
is gonna happen tonight that I'm never gonna forget.
Duh!
What's that?
I call it Tux's magical trail mix.
Shrooms, loods, acid, ecstasy, bennies, and nose candy,
if we gotta say goodbye to Boogie Land,
I say we cannonball it to the max.
Count me in!
Ok, what should we start with first?
How about a couple of these?
Let's get it on.
Randy.
Randy, this is my precious niece.
She'll be helping us close the place this week
and I thought maybe you might show her around.
Sure thing.
Hi, I'm Randy.
She's Cherry, and I'd like her to stay that way,
so if it's not too much trouble.
Yea, yea no problem.
I was gonna take a break in a minute
and I was wanting to know
if you wanted to go for a spin around the rink.
Oh no, Cherry isn't interested in skating, are you dear?
Oh, she'll leave that to you.
Well, maybe, I think I...
Now, now, you're far too clumsy for that my dear.
She's got a one way ticket to becoming a dental hygienist,
don't you?
I don't know, I think...
Molars not rollers!
If I could just...
Drills not thrills.
But I just want...
Cavities not depravities.
Ok.
All right then, that's settled.
I don't think it would be a problem.
No skating!
Oh, I will be in my office packing
if you kids need anything.
Remember...
- No skating. - [Randy] No skating.
Promise?
Yes Aunt Trixie.
You two have a wonderful night.
Ah come on, how about just a quick spin around the rink?
Are you crazy, I couldn't.
You heard her.
Besides, I don't even know how to skate.
Yeehaw!
There he is!
What?
That little man, he was right over there.
Little man?
Yes, he was running right over...
There couldn't possibly be a little man
running around in here could there?
Maybe I'm...
a little more jet lagged than I thought.
I know what it is.
You do?
Yea, you just need to blow off a little steam.
Here come on, I'll show you, it's easy.
I'd better not.
Look how crowded the dance floor is.
She'll never even see you.
Really?
Come with me.
Oh stop Sandy, you're getting me all wet!
You know you love it foxy lady!
Washing cars is fun!
Oh yea!
Oh let's do this.
And after that, I'm gonna buy 10 pet rocks
and Shetland pony named Bear,
then I'm gonna marry a Bay City Roller.
Those guys are fags.
You ever say that again, you can forget
watching me compete in the battle of the network stars
when I'm a famous actress.
Ok, I'm sorry.
Can I ask you a question?
What?
Do you ever think we're gonna be able to skate
without this stupid railing.
Of course we will.
A digital calculator?
We've been coming here all summer.
Seems like we would've learned something by now.
Be patient Pickles, we're not gonna become
championship skaters over night.
We'll make our mark.
Everybody gets their turn underneath the disco ball.
Wrong exit baby!
You're soaking it in.
Huh?
Danger, hydro...
hydrochloric acid?
You bitches look so hot, I almost can't do
what I know I'm about to do.
Almost!
Here come with me.
I can't, we shouldn't be doing this.
Take my hand.
You can do this, all right, you should be dancing.
But my aunt!
Take a chance on me.
Oh my God, Tammy you look so beautiful tonight.
I've never seen anybody skate like you.
Fuck off lady.
That's it!
How much money have we raised?
Oh let me check.
$2!
What?
How many cars have we washed?
One!
Yea and it's Trixie's!
Some hose for the hoes.
That's it, let it wash over you.
Great job!
Did I ok?
Heck yea, you're a super freak.
Thanks.
I'm gonna grab us a couple cold Shastas.
Ok.
[Voiceover] Woo, woo!
Way to go!
Yea, talk about your fast learners.
Thanks.
I'm Coco.
And I'm Yoko.
I'm Cherry.
You've got the moves woman.
Yea, and it looks like Randy's got his eye on you.
Me?
Oh no, someone as perfect as him
would never go for someone as plain as me.
Are you kidding?
He's dated some real pigs in his time.
Um hm, you're exactly his type.
All you need is a little disco dust to fix you up.
What do you mean?
[Both] A roller boogie makeover!
Come on!
When we're done with you, you'll be crowned
the last Roller Boogie Queen.
Really?
Uh huh.
Maybe it's true what they say
about saving the best for last.
'Bout time we got some new blood around here.
If it's new blood you want,
well then it's new blood you'll get.
Ah, the smell of womanhood and melting flesh.
* Uh huh
* Uh huh
* Uh huh
* Uh huh
* Uh huh
* Uh huh
* Uh huh
You look like a roller disco diva girl!
Yea, now let's go out there and get you that crown!
But my aunt...
We'll surprise her with the new you.
Now, go ahead, turn around.
I'm a stone cold fox!
[Yoko] What happened?
That was weird.
Hey, you guys are right, let's get outta here
and go skate.
Ok.
Crack myself up.
Well better get outta here before the fuzz gets here.
Wee!
Oh my God, the colors are so colorful.
I'm tripping my brains out Peaches.
Make love to me now.
Ok.
Maybe we shouldn't
all the melting water color ballerinas
and flying aquatic creatures might see us.
Sh, Peaches.
I think this demon has risen from Hell
and it's headed right towards us.
Let's go hide in that magical cave over there.
Yes, quick!
We gotta turn invisible first.
Ok.
Come on.
Oh, oh yea!
Coming to cop a squat honey buns?
Who's there?
Oh, come on, don't be shy,
bend over and show me that big fat ass.
Where are you?
Take off your underpants and strut around for me.
Oh, oh yea, pussy.
I see you.
you peeping Tom.
That's it, come a little closer,
I got a snack cake for ya'.
Oh, well, well, well, what have we here.
Why don't you come on over here
and nibble on it for me.
Let go of me you fucking cunt!
[Woman] Come on, you son of a...
You look beautiful.
So do you.
Skate with me?
Uh huh.
Mm, I'm voting for her.
Yea, I'm picking that cherry.
Whoa, she cleans up real good.
Ow!
That little whore.
Attention everyone.
I can't tell you how it warms my heart
to so clearly see you all down there
skating and having a good time,
even though some of you made a distinct promise
that you would not.
And don't forget, you still have five more minutes
to vote for the final Roller Boogie Queen.
Woo, Christ!
What's that broad living on, sawdust?
I'm so busted.
I wanna thank you all from the bottom of my heart
for giving this old broad a wonderful life
and I can't wait to see what's in store for all of you
once the music finally ends.
Cherry Wright to the management office please.
Cherry Wright to the management office.
She saw me!
You're all right.
The walls are throbbing.
So am I butterfly.
[Gingerdead Man] Huh?
Oh!
Oh fuck.
Nice view!
Woo hoo!
* I'm gonna disco you to death
* Kiss you at the moment
Yes?
You wanted to see me?
My, my, my don't we look festive.
The roller girls gave me a makeover.
Well, aren't they the lucky ones.
Sit.
It's synergy baby, come on hammer me, hammer me, oh!
What the hell are you two doing in here?
Hi.
Yea, real high.
You're sexy.
Yea.
What's up stud?
Looks like you two could use some company.
Yea, come join us.
Oh yea, take it!
Oh God, and I thought I was vile.
So, you think you can defy me
by painting yourself up like a shameless trollop
and going out there and making me look like a fool.
I'm not a trollop Aunt Trixie,
I was just skating.
Just skating?
Just skating?
Need I remind you that you're sitting there
talking to a woman whose pelvis
is held together with a screw and duct tape
because she was just skating.
You're a hypocrite!
If you hate skating so much,
then why do you own a roller boogie?
Why you little bitch!
Listen to me, they're all gonna laugh at you.
They're all gonna laugh at you.
Oh boy, if I had a cock, I'd join in on that.
Oh yea, yea.
Looks like everybody around here
is looking to get nailed.
I think I can acomodate them with that.
Yea that's it boys, hammer me!
Hammer me!
Your wish is my command!
Huh?
Bye bye!
If you build it, they will come!
Oh baby, I'm so high, I can't feel my arm.
Feels so good.
[Gingerdead Man] Suck on this!
[Cherry] You bitch!
Why do you hate skating so much?
What?
It was 1941.
FDR was in office and the Japs were on a rampage
through out the Pacific.
While our boys had gone off to war
to fight the good fight,
we girls stayed home and did our best.
I'd been skating since I was kid
and I found myself more comfortable on wheels
than I was on my own two feet.
It was about that time the circus came to town,
and I found myself barrel jumping to make ends meat
I was an instant senstation.
Before I knew it I landed in the USO
performing for the troops.
The boys loved me, especially FDR himself,
who invited me to a special sunrise performance
in Oahu, Hawaii.
Everything was in place.
It was standing room only.
The sun began to rise behind me
as I took my position.
The crowd went berserk, they were chanting my name
over and over as I took a running start
and launched myself in the air.
It was about that time the first bomb hit.
The barrels scattered as hurled myself
across the marble patio.
And as I laid there looking up all I could see
were the Japanese zeros flying overhead.
I hit the ground like a bag of wet cement,
shattering my pelvis along with the dream
of a mighty nation.
What are you saying?
I'm saying that had I not been performing that morning,
December 7, 1941, every last one of those sailors
would've been manning their battle stations
and Pearl Harbor never would have happened.
So you see, that's why you can't skate Cherry.
Not now.
Not ever.
I'm sorry about your past Aunt Trixie,
I really am, but I found my calling.
Your calling?
In four hours those doors are gonna close forever.
I think we both know what your calling is.
Wait!
Don't go.
Stay!
We'll burn that dress and pray together.
I'm skating in that roller boogie contest Aunt Trixie.
I'm skating, and you can't stop me.
Cherry!
And I don't wanna talk about it anymore.
No problem.
Do a little dance, make alotta love,
commit homicide tonight.
[All] Harshman!
Harshman!
Harshman!
Harshman!
Harshman!
Harshman!
Harshman!
Harshman!
Harshman!
Harshman!
Harshman!
Attention skaters.
[All] Harshman!
It's time to announce the nominees
for this year's Roller Boogie Queen Contest of 1976.
Is it you Harshman?
Who said that?
I'll deal with you later buster brown.
Where the hell is my remote?
What?
Pop goes the weasel!
Cherry!
You'd better get out on the dance floor,
you never know.
I'd like to ask the lovey young nominees
to please skate to the stage to receive the honor,
and also to accept the complimentary roller boogie sash,
courtesy of Joerski's fine meats.
Do I look all right?
Yea, you're one how twat babe.
Our first nominee...
is Miss Anne Morganstern.
What?
If you could step right.
Our next nominee, Miss Betty Sue Richards!
What?
That looks beautiful on you,
it's styling, step back.
I don't think anyone's going to be surprised at all,
on the nomination of this candidate.
She's a real classy lady, not to mention,
a dazzling crowd favorite,
our own little angle inside you,
the girl who's wheeled her way
into all of our hearts, ladies and gentlemen,
please put your hands together
for the lovely Cherry Wright!
What?
Whoa!
Hi!
Hi!
Oh shit.
Oh and four time winner Tammy Pimento.
(giggles) Go Tammy, go Tammy, go Tammy!
[Voiceover] You selfish bitch!
Oh gosh, I told myself I wasn't gonna cry.
First, I would like to thank my Lord and savior
and I wanna let you all know, it doesn't matter if I win,
it's an honor just to be nominated.
Put a sock in it Pimento.
I will never forget this night.
Beat it.
Oh yea, that's right.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to present
our Roller Boogie Queen court of 1976,
here they are, give 'em a big hand!
Congratulations!
Go over there and see who's gonna win that contest.
How am I supposed to do that?
I don't care what you have to do, just do it!
Congratulations!
Thanks!
Hey can I talk to you for a second?
Yea, sure.
I know you don't know me very well,
do I seem weird to you?
No, why?
I'm right.
I am seeing something running around this place.
Like what?
This is gonna sound really stupid.
It's a gingerbread man.
A gingerbread man?
Oh! Time for more fun!
Oh, oh!
[Cherry] He was right there.
He?
It was.
It leaped out at me from behind those boxes right there.
A gingerbread man?
I believe something jumped out at you,
I mean maybe it was a rat or something.
Or maybe somebody drugged you?
Or not?
Ok.
How about we both just keep our eyes open?
Well that was certainly no surprise.
Oh!
It's all very exciting.
Uhm, would you excuse me for a moment?
Well certainly my dear.
She's gonna win.
What?
By a landslide.
That's not possible.
Oh it's possible babe.
See you only got three votes,
so counting you, me, that means PJ's
the only other one that voted for you.
Son of a bitch!
That's it.
Go get a phone book.
Why?
'Cause we need to find ourselves
an all night pig farm.
Huh?
Oh!
[Voiceover] Oh my God!
Hello world, I've arrived!
This is amazing!
Help me, somebody help me please!
Girl, he is so into you.
This night has really been a dream come true.
Uh oh, here comes your worst nightmare.
Hey there!
Oh my God Yoko, work it girl!
And Coco, you look...
Just like a Newbian princess
Tammy Pimento!
I'm Cherry.
Of course you are!
I love your hair, you look fabulous tonight.
It's amazing how popular she's become
since she's changed her looks and personality.
Yea, she's really arrived.
You're such a great skater.
Your aunt must be so proud of you.
It's just too bad you didn't get here
'til the very last night.
Thanks.
May the best girl win.
Good luck.
Good luck, you're gonna need it, nerd.
Where are you going?
Ah, my work is done here!
Wouldn't want the party to end too soon.
Time for a little disco genocide!
Hey jive turkery!
It's time to crack the whip!
Better yet, let's crack some skulls!
There you are.
I wanted to introduce you to a couple friends of mine,
Tux and Peaches but I can't seem to find them anywhere.
Randy!
Have you seen Connie, Sandy, or Doreen?
No?
Hm?
This is weird.
Where is everybody?
What are you doing?
I can't do this.
They're all gonna laugh at me.
What are you talking about?
You're all gonna laugh at me.
This is a big joke on the new girl isn't it?
Joke?
You're one of the best skaters I've ever seen,
you're a natural.
I'm a freak!
There's magic spinning from those wheels Cherry.
Randy, there's something you need to know about me.
I'm different.
Yea, you are,
but you got it going on.
I've got nothing but an aunt with a swollen eye
and a broken heart.
No.
What you have my dear, is a gift.
Oh!
Can I get a woo woo!
[All] Woo woo!
Woo woo!
[All] Woo woo!
Woo woo!
[All] Woo woo!
Yea come on jive turkey...
This outta clear ya' out, ah!
[All] Woo woo!
Woo woo!
[Gingerdead Man] Oh, there ya' go Hoover.
Wait for melt baby!
Uh huh, uh huh.
Woo woo!
(laughs) Woo!
Welcome to Saturday night clever!
Man, Little Angel's really tearing it up tonight.
She's like a rabid dog when she gets in that DJ booth.
Cherry no.
I'm sorry I let you down Aunt Trixie, you were right.
Oh no my dear, I let me down.
I let us all down.
Oh let's face it, I'm a bitter old lush.
If I hadn't spent all those drunken nights
up at the Indian casino, I would still have the money
to pay the back taxes and this place wouldn't be closing.
More importantly, you'd have a place
to roller boogie forever.
Roller boogie?
But I thought...
Don't speak.
Forget what I said.
I was wrong Cherry, you were right.
I've been a hypocrite.
But...
No buts.
When I saw you out there,
I couldn't help but see a magical reflection
of my former self.
It was as if I was looking into a mirror,
well that is before the shattered hip
and the bankruptcy issues.
Excuse me boss, I have something...
Not now Ingrid.
But it's really important.
I said give me a second you horrible woman.
I want you to put those skates back on
and get out there and win that crown,
not for me...
not for you...
do it for those brave boys at the bottom of the bay.
Thank you Aunt Trixie.
Now get out there and roller boogie.
Miss Wright, I...
Yes Ingrid!
What is it?
What could possibly be so important?
You have my undivided attention, what is it?
I'm sorry to interrupt chief,
but it appears been a triple homicide
in the janitor's sanctuary.
Huh?
What's that queen up to?
A wise guy!
Oh my God!
Good God Ingrid!
What kind of monster could commit such a massacre?
It appears they were murdered
while participating in some sort of
a multi generational menage trois.
Yes I can see that.
My God, would you look at what's left of Buzzby?
Sweet Jesus, he was hung like a Clydesdale.
Never mind, we must alert the authorities immediately.
Yes!
And we will!
Just as soon as we crown the final Roller Boogie Queen.
This night means the world to my Cherry
and let's face it, they're not going anywhere.
Yea, but boss...
No buts.
We will call for a squad car the moment
the winner is announced.
Yes chief.
In the meantime, you lock his place up
as tight as a drum.
And whatever you do, act natural.
All done!
Good boy.
Tonight, we're gonna paint this town red.
With blood!
Be careful now!
Attention everyone!
The time has come for the crowning
of our final Roller Boogie Queen.
Will the nominees please step up to the stage and join us.
I must say that this moment is very bittersweet for me.
I hope you get it.
Thanks.
Wait...
Well, there they are skaters!
Please give it up for our court of 1976!
Aren't they lovely?
Thank you Ingrid.
It's such a special night for me.
No matter the outcome, to go out knowing
that my sweet Cherry has made her way
into the winners circle does my old heart good.
And now the results!
Not only will the winner tonight be crowned
by our very own lady of the court, Miss Ingrid Harshman,
but she will be awarded with a special
fabulous gift package containing cash and prizes
including a Mr. Microphone, Ron Co's pocket fisherman,
a case of Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific,
and a pair of delightful rainbow toe socks.
Drum roll please.
And the winner is...
Cherry Wright!
What are you doing?
[Randy] Did you see what's going on?
No I don't see anything except you causing trouble,
now get the hell outta here.
Whoa!
Yea!
Geronimo!
Babe!
Night, night!
Congratulations Cherry, it's all for you!
From the bowels of hell itself.
It's a homicidal confectionery treat!
Everybody run!
Run, run, run, as fast as you can!
Eat me!
I'm Gingerdead Man at your service
my bicentennial bitch!
I hope all you mother fuckers are hungry,
'cause it's time for you to eat lead!
Oh my!
[Cherry] What do we do?
You know what to do.
You've always known what to do.
You have gifts that go far beyond the roller boogie, Cherry.
Use them now, use them as if your life depends upon it!
As if it does?
Son of a bitch!
Now Cherry, kill that bastard!
Sleep tight you little cunt!
[Voiceover] There's magic spinning from the wheels Cherry.
Bring it on crazy eyes!
Thank you!
You know, I always hated Tammy, she was such a bitch.
I totally voted for you, I swear.
Put a cork in it you whore!
Step right up, who's ready for some more sugar?
Do something Cherry!
Let's boogie down!
Fuck!
Pretty pity!
Disco inferno!
How do I look?
So cute.
Oh my God, what color lipstick is that?
It's shocking pink.
[Voiceover] Can I try it?
Oh yea, totally.
Don't act so shocked!
Don't act so shocked, get it?
Is this a killer night or what?
TGIF.
Burn baby burn!
Bye bye!
Smoke if you got 'em!
I crack myself up!
Get down!
Suprise!
Don't even think of trying any
of that spooky horseshit on me honey buns.
Looks like this will be a 1976 you'll never forget,
well that is until I finish you off.
[Voiceover] Attention Gingerdead Man,
hold on to your cookies!
Oh shit!
[Randy] Freeze!
This can't be good!
Tina Joerski, time traveler.
And trusty sidekick Pickles!
Shut up Pickles!
We're back from a little trip through time.
Frontways and back.
Yea and uh, we've seen all the trouble you caused.
Oh come on kiddies, I'm just a friendly gingerbread man.
I wouldn't hurt a flea, now give me back my water pistol.
Sit on it you cookie creep.
Oh shit.
Fun time is over.
We brought back a few friends to help even the score.
Well bring it on you little butt biscuit.
When I'm done with you, I'll give you a tummy ache
that'll be legendary even in hell.
We'll see about that.
Gingerdead Man, meet...
Adolf Hitler.
Charles Manson.
Let's do something witchy!
Uh oh!
Jeffrey Dahmer.
What's for supper?
Holy...
And Lizzy Borden.
Might I axe what year it is?
And you do remember me, Mr. Gingerdead Man sir?
Clarissa Darling here, and sorry,
but none of us saved room for dessert.
(clears throat) How could I forget?
It's time for you to go home,
you crummy little bastard.
Check please!
Kill him!
Now slow down, I can explain everything.
You see my daddy didn't hug me when I was little.
Oh no, what are you doing?
Oh no you assholes, I'm warning you.
I'm warning you bastards, put me down!
This is an outrage!
I'm in the union, I'm in the union!
Put me down, put me down!
No, no! Ah!
Yes.
[Gingerdead Man] Cookie Jar?
Not the cookie jar!
I'll see you all in hell!
[Little Girl] We did it!
You did!
You all did!
And I wanna thank you all so very much
for saving the day, well sort of.
I mean, it would've been nice if you could've arrived
a little earlier.
Uhm, excuse me Miss Wright?
Yes dear child?
Don't forget, we have a time machine.
But...
No buts.
I just went back in time and warned Miss Darling
what was about to happen,
so the Gingerdead Man never escaped.
And none of this ever happened!
And by the way...
What's this?
A lottery ticket.
On the way back, we checked tomorrow's newspaper.
Congratulations, you are a millionaire!
And Roller Boogie Land is safe!
And disco will live forever!
Sure it will!
Let's roller boogie!
See, I told you everyone gets their turn
underneath the mirror ball.
Mind if I hitch a ride?
But Aunt Trixie, we need you here.
This is all yours now sweet Cherry.
[Randy] Where are you going?
I have a little unfinished business back in 1941.
Goodbye Aunt Trixie,
I'll never forget you.
Take care of each other, and stay away from sweets.
Aloha everyone!
[All] Aloha!
[Little Girl] All right everybody,
you ready to go back home?
And behave yourselves!
Wee!
Calabunga!
Yea!
Peace out mother fucker!
Aloha!
* I'm going to disco you to death
* Kiss you at the moment of your final breath
* You're gonna disco 'til you die
* 1,000 youths in the disco ball each one asking why
* This is your last dance ever
* Grooving in your satin pants, you're gonna live forever
* Come on disco baby
* Let's cut the rug
* Trip the light, fantastic, 'til the room is red with blood
* I'm gonna disco you to death
* It's 1970 something so it's coke instead of meth
* You're gonna disco 'til you drop
* You're heart's been overheated
* But that's finally gonna pop
* Listen to your heart pump
* As we do the bump
* Dig that bass guitar from
* Get up off your rump
* If looks could kill
* You'd dance until
* My eyes cut like a knife
* And leave you on the dance floor crying
* Begging for your life
* I'm gonna disco you to death
* Kiss you at the moment of your final breath
* You're gonna disco 'til you die
* 1,000 youths in the disco ball each on asking why
* Disco
* Death
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